My thoughts on some current controversies

Let me preface this post with a warning that I will be addressing a couple of political/religious topics that I’ve seen discussed lately. I am not writing this post in an attempt to make everyone think the way I do, to pass judgment, or to start a debate. I am writing this post mostly for my own sake. I do not often take part in these types of discussion or post my opinions/views, but I’ve decided I want to at this point, because I am not ashamed of what I believe and who I am. I have not read everything out there on any of these topics, and I do not claim to be an expert who knows everything, these are simply my beliefs and my feelings. If you wish to comment with your own thoughts feel free to do so, but I am not likely to respond to them, especially if I feel doing so would start an argument or debate. I will note that this post is quite long, and I do not want any of my friends or family members to feel like I will be hurt if they do not read all, or even any of this post. Once again, I am mostly posting this for my own benefit, to know that I have done so and have clearly stated where I stand on these issues. That being said, here I go.

I’m going to start with what is probably the topic I’ve seen the most discussion about: same-sex marriage. (And I once again repeat, I am not trying to tell other they have to see things the way I do)I believe that homosexuality goes against our nature as God’s divine children, especially when acted upon. That being said, I am against same-sex marriage. I believe that it will eventually prove to have negative effects on society as a whole. As a member of the LDS or Mormon Church, my opinion on this topic is largely influenced by what my church leaders have said on this topic. In 1995 Gordon B. Hinckley (then president and prophet of the church) along with the rest of the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles, issued “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” I will be quoting parts of the proclamation, but you can find the whole text here. I believe the Proclamation on the Family is pretty clear on where the church stands on this matter. It starts by saying, “We . . . solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and later continues with “we further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” And then, a couple paragraphs before the end there are two sentences that are the best summation of my opinion and the reasons behind them, “The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity” (emphasis mine). The Proclamation ends by calling upon “responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” Since this statement was issued, many church leaders have reiterated the meaning and sentiment of the Proclamation, making it clear that their opinion on the matter has not changed. Just because my opinions and beliefs are based on and coincide with those of my church leaders, I do not think this means my opinion is uneducated, naïve, or old-fashioned. I do not listen to them blindly, but have a personal testimony that what they say on this matter is true. Now, what I am going to say next may very well upset some people or lead them to try and debate with me, but this is my blog and I want to state my opinion here. About the recent discussion and votes on same-sex marriage. There seems to be the feeling that I don’t really have a reason or a place to be against it because whether some random homosexual couple gets married won’t affect me. Let me ask you how it affects me for some random guy somewhere to be allowed to smoke marijuana? I can’t really think of anything. But, I would vote against legalizing marijuana because I think it would have negative effects on society. I would vote against same-sex marriage for the exact same reason. I believe it would have negative effects on society. You can see the Church’s opinion on the matter here, where it also states that “The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman ‘neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.’ On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated.” And that “The Church has advocated for rights for same-sex couples regarding “hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.”

Second topic of discussion: abortion. I haven’t seen as much discussion on this topic, probably because most of the people I know would agree with my opinion on this matter. But regardless, with the trial of Dr. Kermit Gosnell going on, it has come up. (I haven’t read much on the case, but if you don’t know what it is, here is a short article with some information). Once again, my opinions on this matter coincide with those of my church leaders. You can find the official policy of the church on abortion here, but the gist of it is that “Human life is a sacred gift from God. Elective abortion for personal or social convenience is contrary to the will and the commandments of God. . . . Church leaders have said that some exceptional circumstances may justify an abortion, such as when pregnancy is the result of incest or rape, when the life or health of the mother is judged by competent medical authority to be in serious jeopardy, or when the fetus is known by competent medical authority to have severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth. But even these circumstances do not automatically justify an abortion.” I don’t really think I can be any more straight forward than that, so that’s all I feel I need to say on this topic.

On to the third topic: Women in the Church. This one isn’t really a huge deal, but when I hear others say they feel like women are somehow inferior in the LDS church…I seriously have to wonder how they feel that way. First of all, they make a big deal about things that seem silly to me, like wearing pants to church, or a sister saying the prayer in Conference. Nobody makes you wear a dress or skirt to church! We are asked to do so out of respect for our Father in Heaven and his house. I’m sure if you ask the men, they might be happier wearing jean and a t-shirt too, or at least going without a tie, but they wear their white shirt and tie and dress pants because it’s what they’ve been asked to do to show respect for our Father. As for the prayer in this last Conference session; I suppose that was kind of cool. . . but people, sisters have been speaking in Conference years! Isn’t that more important as a sign that women are appreciated and respected in our church? In one news article about the prayer I read this, “For most of the LDS Church’s history, its General Conferences have ‘tended to be pretty much male-oriented meetings,’ said Andrea-Radke Moss, a historian at church-owned Brigham Young University-Idaho, ‘simply because the [Mormon women’s] Relief Society had carved out its own autonomous space for female discourse, prayer, etc., at their own conferences.’” That being said, it actually makes me feel sad when women in the church feel unappreciated or inferior, because they are somehow missing out on so many beautiful and empowering statements from church leaders about the importance of women in the church. If you ever doubt how valued you are in the LDS church, please see the church’s page on Women in the Church which can be found here. There you will find links to just a few of the talks from church leaders stating their feelings about women in the church. In those talks they say things like, “LDS women are incredible!”, “How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives” and “As we look at the history of this earth and at the history of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, it becomes obvious that women hold a special place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children. I hope that my dear sisters throughout the world—grandmothers, mothers, aunts, and friends—never underestimate the power of their influence for good, especially in the lives of our precious children and youth!” As a woman in the church I recognize that just because I cannot hold the Priesthood, I am not inferior. I have access to all the blessings of the priesthood in my life, but beyond that I have the divine responsibility and ability to bring our Heavenly Father’s children to this earth, to raise them and nurture them. Without me and the other women the Father’s sacred plan would not operate.

Finally, I’d like to address the whole tolerance, acceptance, compassion, hate mix that comes up lately when there are arguments or discussion about any of the above topics and many others. There has been a great quote floating around the internet lately that says “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” This quote pretty much gives my opinion on this matter, but I’d like to include some of my own thoughts and examples that I think apply. First of all, if that first statement were true it would mean that I was afraid of or hated everyone who drank, got tattoos, had sex outside of marriage, used swear words, thought reading was stupid, abused the welfare system, used drugs, and any other number of people. And that, frankly, is ridiculous! Now then, let’s get less general here. I have a number of extended family members who do some of these things, and I don’t fear or hate them. In fact, I love them! I can get even more specific. One of my best friends growing up moved to another state just before high school, and then decided to let us know that he was “gay” (I don’t really like using that term, but it’ll do). At the time, I didn’t really know how to react and combined with the fact that he lived in a different state, we grew apart. We are facebook friends, but we hardly ever talk. Yet, I can honestly say I still love and care about him. He may not have any idea how much, because I still make it clear that I don’t support his lifestyle decision, but I do. Every time he has posted about graduating, or getting a new job, or finding a great new apartment, it makes me happy to hear about his happiness and success. For those who feel like if you love someone means you have to support everything they believe and do, let me ask if parents should allow their children to do drugs or drop out of school? Or from another personal example of mine; when I was in college one of my best friends started dating a guy who I thought was not a good influence on her, or good for her in general. I made it clear that was how I felt, and I kept making that clear even when it started to cause problems in our friendship. I didn’t do this because I didn’t like seeing her happy, or because I didn’t love her. In fact I did it because I did love her; I loved her enough to put our friendship in danger because I wanted to protect her from something I thought would be harmful for her.

Some people may use the situation of Christ and the women taken in adultery to state that we are not being tolerant enough as Christians. They quote his saying, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” However, I don’t think this argument is really that valid. First of all, let me point out that I am not saying we should stone/kill those who choose a different lifestyle then me. Second, as a member of the LDS church I believe in the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible, which changes Mathew 7:1 from “Judge not, that ye be not judged” to “Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged: but judge righteous judgment.” Christ does not teach that we can never judge when others are sinning or acting badly, only that we must be sure we do not do so unrighteously. Or as President Packer put is so well this last Conference, “Alma taught that ‘the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.’ In order to understand this, we must separate the sin from the sinner. For example, when they brought before the Savior a woman taken in adultery, obviously guilty, He dismissed the case with five words: ‘Go, and sin no more.’ That is the spirit of His ministry. Tolerance is a virtue, but like all virtues, when exaggerated, it transforms itself into a vice. We need to be careful of the ‘tolerance trap’ so that we are not swallowed up in it. The permissiveness afforded by the weakening of the laws of the land to tolerate legalized acts of immorality does not reduce the serious spiritual consequence that is the result of the violation of God’s law of chastity.” (You can find his talk in its entirety here)

In conclusion I would like once again to state that these are my beliefs and feelings, and I know they may not all be stated in the most elegant fashion. If you feel there are flaws in what I have said, you are free to feel that way. And once again I repeat that I do not mean to demean any who disagree with me, I do not intend to force you all to my side of these issues, and I do not wish to start any debates or arguments. This is simply a statement of my belief and feelings. I know I am not perfect, and I try every day to be a better person. I cannot say I have been perfect in the way I have addressed these matters now or in the past, and I strive to follow my leader’s counsel to “more loving and compassionate” as I discuss these issues and interact with those who disagree with me. I hope that we can all do the same, no matter how we feel about these matters.

Lately.....

My mom and my sister have been bugging me to write on this here blog, and I know it’s been a while. I keep telling them I have nothing to write about, but that’s only kind of true. The truth is, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve been avoiding it because I don’t want to let you all know that I’m still without a job, still don’t have kids, and basically still doing nothing with my life. I know that everybody who reads this blog cares about me and supports me, but when I view myself as a failure it’s hard not to imagine you all doing the same. I know I could write about our sweet new apartment or our lovely new car, but my excitement over those didn’t last for very long. It’s hard to get excited about much when I spend most of my days trying to ignore how boring and pointless my day is. That being said, don’t expect much from this post except me trying to explain how I’ve been feeling lately and why I haven’t been writing here.

In April it will be two years since I graduated from BYU, and remembering that usually makes me feel like crying or throwing something across the room. It’s hard to look back at the last two years and know I have nothing to show for them. It’s harder to know that it’s partially my fault. And honestly it’s even harder to truly admit that to myself instead of making stupid excuses. It’s true that part of the reason I didn’t work as hard to find a full time job early on is because I wanted the focus in our lives to be finding Jacob a good full time. It’s also true that now is the not the best time to be looking for an entry-level job in most industries, but especially as an editor/writer. And it’s also understandable that I didn’t want to find some minimum wage job after spending 4 yrs of hard work to get a college degree. And it’s not as if I wasn’t applying to any jobs. However, the truth that I’ve been facing lately is that I got discouraged, and I got lazy, and so I stopped working as hard as I could have to find a job. And so I’m still without a job, and every time I have to acknowledge that or tell someone that, it feels like someone is slapping me in the face with a sign telling me just how much of a failure I am. The worst part is how this is affecting the rest of my life.

I feel extremely lonely. Most of the time the only person I interact with on a given day is Jacob, So you’d think that seeing and talking to other people was extremely exciting to me. And it is, but at the same time I absolutely dread it. I dread having people ask me how I’m doing, or what I’ve been up, or whether I’ve found a job yet, because I know my answers probably just make them feel bad for me, or perhaps even disappointed in me. I even hate it when people say it must be nice to have free time. Because for me, it’s not. It’s torture. I have had so much free time that sometimes I feel like I can’t stand one more minute of TV, or facebook stalking, or playing a game on my computer. Sometimes, I even feel like I couldn’t stand reading another chapter of my latest book. I think one of the only reasons I still enjoy reading for the most part is simply because reading is part of who I am, it’s habit.
Anyway, I could go on for a really long time about how down I’ve been feeling lately, but the truth is you don’t want to read that. And I should probably try not to dwell on it. One of the reasons things have been so hard for me is because I know I could have been doing better than I have been. It’s not just that I haven’t worked as hard on finding a job, but that I haven’t even used my time to become closer to my Father in Heaven, to serve others, to become a better wife, or daughter, or sister. I haven’t even done any crafting lately. I think at some point I just told myself to stop caring because caring hurt, and I told myself I was okay with spending my days watching TV shows on Netflix and playing pointless games. But when I let myself actually think about my life, I have to admit not only am I tired of it, but I’m disgusted with it. I know I can do more and be better, and I know that even it may be hard to get myself out of my rut, it will be worth it. So, I’m going to make some goals for myself and share some of them with you.

1.I need to improve my relationship with my Father in Heaven. I am so grateful for the foundation of faith and testimony I’ve built for myself during the times when I was doing really well spiritually, because it has helped me now. I know one of the reasons things haven’t been easier for me is because I have gotten out of the habit of daily scripture study and prayer. I have no excuse for this because I have all the time in the world to fit those in to my schedule, but for some reason I haven’t been making time for those essential things. But I still know the Lord loves me. I look at myself and see a failure, but I know He doesn’t. I KNOW that He loves me, and I owe him more than I’ve been giving him. So, I plan to get back on track with my daily scripture study and prayer, and also to be better at attending the temple. From time to time I may share some of the things I’ve learned in my studies with you on this blog.

2.I need to get back on track with eating healthy and exercising. I was doing so good for a while and I was losing weight, but then I allowed myself to get out of the habit. Obviously I am doing this for myself, but I am also doing it for our future family. Back in the fall I was feeling so impatient to start our family and have our first kid, but lately whenever I think about I just feel terrified. That didn’t make sense to me, so I spent time thinking about what the difference might be, and I realized the only difference that makes sense is that I am not trying as hard to be healthy as I was. Because I am overweight I have worried about how that might affect me when I do get pregnant, and Jacob is ridiculously paranoid about it. So, I came to the conclusion that as long I am trying my best to be healthy, the Lord will take care of me when I do get pregnant, but if I’m not doing my part I can’t expect anything from him. So once again I’m asking you guys to help me accountable about being healthy.

3.I want to actually use all those craft supplies I’ve accumulated. (I had like 5 or 6 boxes worth when we moved) My first goal is to get some curtains up in our apartment. We’re in a basement apartment and it’s really not fun looking out on window wells. We bought some already made curtains that I just need to cut/sew to size for our windows(none of the ones at the store were the right size) so it’s not even that big of a project, so expect a post with some pictures of those here soon(I just need to find the supplies I need first)

4.I want to find a way to serve others. This is a hard one for me because I am actually painfully shy in some ways(I know this surprises some of you, but it’s true) and so I will have to work on that, but for now I want to try and get back in the habit of doing indexing at least once a week.

So, those are just a few of my goals to start with. I’m sorry for the parts of this blog entry that consisted of me complaining and venting and being depressing, and I am thankful for the love and support I’ve had from so many of you. I’ll try and better at blogging in the future, so keep an eye out for that. And more specifically keep an eye out in the next week or so for an entry about some of the books/authors I’ve discovered lately.