This week has been a difficult week for me, and today was especially crappy. You know, one of those days when you hope no one will ask you how you are, because if you really think about it you might break down. But at the same time you really hope someone will notice that you’re not okay, because hey, you’re really not okay and maybe you just need a listening ear or a hug.
I don’t deal well with trials and adversity. I know most of the time we’re given trials so that we can learn and grow, but learning and growing is hard! For me, it’s especially hard to be patient while the learning and growing takes place. This blog isn’t meant to go into details about the personal trials I’m having right now, but suffice it to say, they are hard. And some days I feel like I will never see the end of them. But, at the same time I have been able to find a measure of peace. In large part this is because of my faith and trust in the Lord and the promises I have had from Him that I will get through this. But, I have also found some outside sources that have made things a little easier.
I don’t claim to be an expert at overcoming the sorrow that can come with trials, but I thought I’d share some of the steps that have helped me, and some of the outside sources I turn to for peace. (Note that my faith plays an important role in how I deal with trials. I’m pretty sure most of you who will be reading this have the same beliefs as me, but if you don’t, just bear with it.)
First of all, count your blessings. I know this is one of the hardest things to hear when you’re going through a hard time and you feel like you don’t have any blessings. But the truth is, it can help. In particular, remember the times in the past when you’ve overcome trials. Remember when the Lord has been there for you, and when you have felt His love.
However, counting your blessings doesn’t mean pretending that everything is perfect. You have to be honest about the way you are feeling. It’s okay to feel sorrow, frustration, impatience, etc. If you need a good cry, let yourself have a good cry. When people ask you how you are, you don’t have to say you’re good, or even fine. If you don’t want to be telling everyone how you’re doing, that’s okay. But, find at least one person that you can confide in.
Even more importantly, you should be honest with the Lord about the way you are feeling. It’s not useful to dwell on questions like “why is this happening to me?” or “what have I done to deserve this?” But it’s okay to let Him know you’re struggling. I’d even say it’s essential. One of the most precious experiences I’ve ever had happened when I poured out my heart in prayer, telling the Lord that I didn’t understand why I was going through a given trial, and that I had no idea how to get through it. My most meaningful prayers are those that stray away from being formulaic, when I truly talk to my Father in Heaven as my Father. Feeling His love and concern for me as I speak with Him is one of the greatest blessings in my life.
Once you’ve told the Lord how you’re feeling, keep an open heart and look for any answers or counsel He may have for you. For me, this means reading the scriptures and conference talks. It means listening to music that brings peace to my heart. If you have a patriarchal blessing, this is a great time to read it. Even if there isn’t something in it that will directly apply to your current situation, it can be a great reminder of the fact that Heavenly Father is aware of you, that He knows you personally and that He loves you. At the end of this post I’ll share a couple of my go-to scriptures, conference talks, and songs.
And finally, when you’ve had your good cry and found some comfort, the best thing you can do is to find something to occupy your mind. Find something that will make you laugh. Finally take care of that project you’ve been putting off. Serve someone. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it takes you out of your head and lets you step away from your trial for a short time. Don’t let your trial become your life. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you’re going through something big that does greatly affect your life. But, it is an important step. Remember, “men are that they might have joy.”
And, as promised, here are some of the scriptures, conference talks, and songs that I turn to when I’m having a bad day.
Scriptures
D&C 121:7-8 has long been one of my favorites. It reads:
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”
D&C 58:3-4 This is a recent favorite, it was shared in a sacrament meeting on a day when I was really struggling, and it was just what I needed to hear. It says:
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.
Some other good ones include D&C 122: 7-9, D&C 24:8, D&C 78:18, Isaiah 41:10 and 13, and Alma 36:3. There are so many other good scriptures out there, but you’ll have to find them on your own.
Conference Talks
Not all Conference talks will “speak” to you in the same way they do to me, but some great ones about dealing with trials include:
"Continue in Patience" – Pres. Uchtdorf April 2010
"Happiness, Your Heritage" – Pres. Uchtdorf Oct 2008
"Trust in the Lord" – Elder Scott October 1995
"Come What May, and Love It" – Elder Wirthlin Oct 2008
"But If Not…" - Elder Dennis E. Simmons April 2004
Songs
It’s Not Heavy from The Best Two Years soundtrack
Firstborn - Becky Garrett
Hold On, The Light Will Come – Michael McLean
He’ll Carry You and Never Alone – Hilary Weeks
Like I said, I’m not an expert, but I hope that just maybe this post will help at least one person through whatever trial they’re facing. And, I’m not always the greatest listener, but if you do need someone, I’m willing to try.
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