For Those Really Crappy Days

This week has been a difficult week for me, and today was especially crappy. You know, one of those days when you hope no one will ask you how you are, because if you really think about it you might break down. But at the same time you really hope someone will notice that you’re not okay, because hey, you’re really not okay and maybe you just need a listening ear or a hug.

I don’t deal well with trials and adversity. I know most of the time we’re given trials so that we can learn and grow, but learning and growing is hard! For me, it’s especially hard to be patient while the learning and growing takes place.  This blog isn’t meant to go into details about the personal trials I’m having right now, but suffice it to say, they are hard. And some days I feel like I will never see the end of them. But, at the same time I have been able to find a measure of peace. In large part this is because of my faith and trust in the Lord and the promises I have had from Him that I will get through this. But, I have also found some outside sources that have made things a little easier.

I don’t claim to be an expert at overcoming the sorrow that can come with trials, but I thought I’d share some of the steps that have helped me, and some of the outside sources I turn to for peace. (Note that my faith plays an important role in how I deal with trials. I’m pretty sure most of you who will be reading this have the same beliefs as me, but if you don’t, just bear with it.)

First of all, count your blessings. I know this is one of the hardest things to hear when you’re going through a hard time and you feel like you don’t have any blessings. But the truth is, it can help. In particular, remember the times in the past when you’ve overcome trials. Remember when the Lord has been there for you, and when you have felt His love.

However, counting your blessings doesn’t mean pretending that everything is perfect. You have to be honest about the way you are feeling. It’s okay to feel sorrow, frustration, impatience, etc. If you need a good cry, let yourself have a good cry. When people ask you how you are, you don’t have to say you’re good, or even fine. If you don’t want to be telling everyone how you’re doing, that’s okay. But, find at least one person that you can confide in.

Even more importantly, you should be honest with the Lord about the way you are feeling. It’s not useful to dwell on questions like “why is this happening to me?” or “what have I done to deserve this?” But it’s okay to let Him know you’re struggling. I’d even say it’s essential. One of the most precious experiences I’ve ever had happened when I poured out my heart in prayer, telling the Lord that I didn’t understand why I was going through a given trial, and that I had no idea how to get through it. My most meaningful prayers are those that stray away from being formulaic, when I truly talk to my Father in Heaven as my Father. Feeling His love and concern for me as I speak with Him is one of the greatest blessings in my life.

Once you’ve told the Lord how you’re feeling, keep an open heart and look for any answers or counsel He may have for you. For me, this means reading the scriptures and conference talks. It means listening to music that brings peace to my heart. If you have a patriarchal blessing, this is a great time to read it. Even if there isn’t something in it that will directly apply to your current situation, it can be a great reminder of the fact that Heavenly Father is aware of you, that He knows you personally and that He loves you. At the end of this post I’ll share a couple of my go-to scriptures, conference talks, and songs.

And finally, when you’ve had your good cry and found some comfort, the best thing you can do is to find something to occupy your mind. Find something that will make you laugh. Finally take care of that project you’ve been putting off. Serve someone. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it takes you out of your head and lets you step away from your trial for a short time. Don’t let your trial become your life. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you’re going through something big that does greatly affect your life. But, it is an important step. Remember, “men are that they might have joy.”

And, as promised, here are some of the scriptures, conference talks, and songs that I turn to when I’m having a bad day.

Scriptures
D&C 121:7-8 has long been one of my favorites. It reads:
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”

D&C 58:3-4 This is a recent favorite, it was shared in a sacrament meeting on a day when I was really struggling, and it was just what I needed to hear. It says:
3 Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
4 For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand.

Some other good ones include D&C 122: 7-9, D&C 24:8, D&C 78:18, Isaiah 41:10 and 13, and Alma 36:3. There are so many other good scriptures out there, but you’ll have to find them on your own.

Conference Talks
Not all Conference talks will “speak” to you in the same way they do to me, but some great ones about dealing with trials include:
"Continue in Patience" – Pres. Uchtdorf April 2010
"Happiness, Your Heritage" – Pres. Uchtdorf Oct 2008
"Trust in the Lord" – Elder Scott October 1995
"Come What May, and Love It" – Elder Wirthlin Oct 2008
"But If Not…" - Elder Dennis E. Simmons April 2004

Songs
It’s Not Heavy from The Best Two Years soundtrack
Firstborn - Becky Garrett
Hold On, The Light Will Come – Michael McLean
He’ll Carry You and Never Alone – Hilary Weeks

Like I said, I’m not an expert, but I hope that just maybe this post will help at least one person through whatever trial they’re facing. And, I’m not always the greatest listener, but if you do need someone, I’m willing to try.

I Need Your Help

So, fun fact about me: I get bored really really easily. I've heard that only boring people get bored, and if that's the case, I guess I must be the one of the dullest people in existence. Anyway, I often get tired of doing the same thing day in and day out. But, sadly, I also have a really hard time going out of my comfort zone and doing something new. And I'm really bad at thinking of things to do.

What does this mean for me? I often want to break out of the norm or go on an adventure, but I rarely do because I just can't seem to get the motivation to make it happen. This tends to make me feel a little disappointed with my life and how I'm living it. 

In an attempt to overcome my own shortcomings, and to find a little more joy in life, I've decided to make a list of 30 things I want to do before I'm 30. I've already got a few ideas, and not everything on the list will be a huge thing, or even something I've never done before, but I want to set some goals to get myself going. I hope to have a good solid list compiled by my birthday. 

This is where you come in: I need ideas! No guarantees that I'll put them all on my list, but I know you can all help me with the brainstorming. Some ideas I have already: go to Disneyland (yeah, I've never been), reread the standard works, develop a new hobby or talent (what specifically is yet to be determined), become a mom (I'm actually really hoping this happens before I'm 27, but I'm including it anyway), and own a home (whether that's a condo, townhome, or actual house, I just want to be done renting)

At the same time, I'd love to get some ideas of smaller things I, and Jacob, and can do in the short-term to break up the daily monotony. Ideas for date nights, weekend adventures, quick projects to do in an evening, or anything in between, would be totally welcome. Please, for the sake of my sanity, share your ideas with me! I know many of you are so much better than I am at finding the little adventures in life.

Added bonus: if you give me ideas of things to do, I'll actually have a reason to write on my blog more often and keep you all updated on my life! From time to time, I think "hmm...I should write on my blog sometime," but then I remember I have nothing to tell you all. And we all know how much you wish I updated this blog more. ;)

Father's Day

Today is Father’s Day. And, while I hope that I let my father (and the world) know how grateful I am for him on a more frequent basis then once a year on a dedicated holiday, I still think it’s a great opportunity to acknowledge the role he plays in my life. In truth, I’ve probably always been more of a momma’s girl, but, I cannot recall ever doubting that my daddy loved me. And, I am so grateful for years of memories we have made together.

I have vague recollections of flying a kite with Dad, and of learning how to ride my bike. When I was in seventh grade and looking for more books to devour, my dad suggested I try reading The Hobbit. He’d read that and the Lord of the Rings series when he was a growing up, and thought I might like them. He was right, and I read all four books. Then, the movies started coming out and Lord of the Rings kind of became “our thing.” One year for Christmas he bought me the boxed book set, and I bought us tickets to the movie. The next year for Christmas, he bought us tickets to the movie and we went together again. My dad was never as big on reading as I am, but because of me, he also read the Harry Potter series. I don’t know if he realizes how much it means to me that he read those books so that he could try and connect with me, since I didn’t really do the soccer thing he and my siblings did.

My dad also taught me how to fish, and to love the Windrivers. He taught me to work hard, and let me know that he’d always support me in what I wanted to do, and that as long as I was giving 100% and doing my best, I’d done a great job. While Mom did some of the work, Dad was the one who really taught me to drive. On foggy Saturday mornings, we’d drive up the Ogden canyon to Morgan, and then turn around and come back home, all because I had to get my freeway hours in, but was scared to drive on busy I-15. It’s also his fault that I love Christmas lights, and that I’m really pick about not just what goes on my Christmas tree, but where exactly it’s placed.

But I think what I’m most grateful for is that he taught me to love the Lord, and that he raised me as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He didn’t just teach me by word, but also by deed. I never doubted that my dad, (and my mom), knew the Church was true. When I was a child, I leaned on their testimonies while they taught me how to develop my own. My family, and the gospel, are the two most important things in my life, and I wouldn’t be who I was today without either one of them.

Lately, there has been quite a bit of talk about the Church and various doctrines and some people who think that Church leaders need to “get with the times” so to speak. I’ve kind of voiced my opinions on the issues being discussed once before on this blog, so I don’t want to go into too much detail, but I do want to say a couple of things:

I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is Christ’s church on the earth today. I know it was restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith, and that the priesthood authority he received is still on the earth today. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is the Lord’s chosen prophet to lead the Church today and that his councilors and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles are also prophets, seers, and revelators. Through them, Christ leads His church today. I believe that their words are His words. I love and firmly believe in The Family: A Proclamation to the World. I believe that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”

As a woman in the Church, I have never been made to feel inferior or unworthy. Instead, I constantly feel the love of our leaders as they talk about the importance of women and the impact we can have on individuals, our families, the Church, and the world. They are continually speaking of our goodness, and our potential, and of the great necessity for righteous women in the world today. I do not understand everything about the priesthood, but I do know that just because I can’t be ordained to an office, doesn’t mean I don’t have access to its power or that I am a second-class citizen in my religion.

I also know that this church is not a democracy. It is a kingship, with Christ as its head, and this church is run by Him. Doctrine is not decided or changed on the whims of priesthood leaders, and will not be changed according to the opinions and demands of individuals or society at large. While I may not understand all the reasoning behind the doctrines and principles of the Church, I do know who is at the head of it, and I know that I have made covenants to honor and sustain my leaders. I trust them, I trust the Lord, and I trust that one day I will understand all these things. Until that day, I am and will be forever grateful that I know that God speaks to His people today, just as He always has. And I know that when I have questions I can turn to him in prayer and faith.

I know that I can receive personal revelation, and that God cares about me as an individual. Ten years ago on Father’s Day I received my patriarchal blessing. I do not read it as often as I should, but I have read it many times. It has offered me comfort and encouragement when I have been going through trials or simply having a tough day. It makes me want to be a better person so that I can live up to His faith in me and be worthy of promised blessings. Reading it has always strengthened my testimony of the fact that I have a Father in Heaven. That He knows who I am. That He knows me by name, that He loves me, that He believes in me, and that He has a plan for me and my life. It helps me know that as long as I am striving to do my best, He will make up the difference. It reminds me that all He wants for me is to be able to return home to live with him and my family for eternity.

So today, I am grateful for my dad. I am grateful for his love and all that he has taught me. I am especially grateful that he has taught me about my Heavenly Father. I am so grateful that as a kid I learned to sing, “I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ, of Latter-day Saints. I know who I am, I know God’s plan, I’ll follow Him in faith” and that my parents did their best to teach me what that meant.

I hope that this post has come across as one of love and of faith, and if not I apologize for my imperfections. I still have so much to work on to become the person I’m meant to be, but I am grateful for everyone who has played a part in who I am, and in my desire to be better.

I got a job!

That's right, I finally got a job! And I am so excited!

However, because it is full time 8-5, it means my life just got a LOT busier, so I need your help! I need to come up with dinners that I can either fix in advance, or fix really fast once I get home from work (or have Jacob fix once he gets home). I'm sure some of you have some awesome recipes to help me out. And I really hope that this time my request for recipes actually reaps some rewards. Cause last time I didn't get any! But, I love you guys and am sure you will make up for it by sending me lots of recipes this time, right?

I also just want to say thank you! I know so many of you have been praying for me as I've job searched and interviewed, etc. I'm sure those prayers are part of the reason I finally found a job. And not just any job, but a job that will actually use the skills I spent 4yrs of school gaining, and for a pretty great company that I think will be a good fit for me. So thank you again! I know my life is blessed in so many ways by all of you!

Handprints on my Heart

This is a post I've actually been thinking about writing for a while, but I keep putting it off because I'm not sure how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. But, it just keeps coming to mind, so I figured, I might as well try.

When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the type of person who had that one group of best friends, who they were best friends with for their entire life. In fact, I was absolutely sure that was going to be me and my friends. But then it wasn't. We were still friends, but over time we drifted apart and didn't spend as much time together. So, I made a new group friends and I told myself; this is it, this time we'll be best friends forever. But once again time went by, we changed, and grew apart. And the cycle has repeated itself numerous times. For a long time this bothered me, and some times I even wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't keep a best friend for more than a few years. However, as I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've realized that what was happening was simply life. Not everyone is going to have one group of friends for their entire life, no matter what TV shows or movies may say.

I've also realized that what this means for me is that I have been blessed with many, many best friends over the years. And I would not be who I am today without each and every one of them. It also means that I am still blessed with many good friends. Sure, there are some of my friends who aren't a part of my life at all anymore, who I've completely lost touch with. But, for the most part, I can still say that I'm friends with most of them. Even if most of our contact is on facebook, I still love keeping track of how they're doing, and I know that if I ever really needed them, they'd be there for me.

So, one of the main reasons I am writing this post is to say thank you. I know that not all of the people I'm writing this post for are actually going to see it, but nevertheless, I need to express my gratitude. From my first friends in elementary school, to my high school friends, and college roommates, each of them has played a huge part in who I am today. And I have so many fantastic memories! There is a song from the musical Wicked that I absolutely love called "For Good" (you can listen to it here if you'd like) but I feel like it expressed a lot of what I feel about all of my past friendships. Part of me just wants to copy all of the lyrics right here for you, but that may be a bit excessive. So I'll just share a couple of lines that stick out to me:

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

I do know that it's true, that each person who has played a part in my life was placed there for a reason. Another part that stick out to me says;

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done,
You blamed me for.

That's something else that I've felt a lot of lately. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn about myself in the past couple years is that I have a rather selfish streak to me. It's something I've been working hard to change, but I still have a long way to go. For a long time, when my friendships would drift apart, I'd blame it on the other person, or the other people, but now I know it was just as much my fault or my responsibility. And so, here and now I am apologizing for anything I ever did, or perhaps didn't do, that may have damaged one of my friendships. I think for a long time I was very focused on me and the difficult things I was going through. And perhaps I wasn't always the easiest person to love, but for the most part, you guys loved me anyway. And I will forever be grateful for that.

And finally, I want to take the opportunity to say that if you ever need me, I'm here. I may not always be the best at showing it, but I care very much for each and every one of you. I think perhaps if people knew how much I cared and how much I love hearing about how they're doing even years after we've been very close, they might think it was weird. But, I spend a lot of time alone these days, and I have a lot of time to think. And you'd be surprised how much of my time I spend thinking about all my friends and the wonderful times we had. I think I almost value my past friendships more now than I did when I was in them.

So I guess what this really comes down to is: I love you guys, and I am so grateful for each of you in my life. Thank you for making me who I am today.

Looking for Tasty Recipes

Happy New Years friends and family! Jacob and I are doing well and had a good Christmas and New Years. I was also able to spend a wonderful week in December with Sarah (my sister) and her family in Washington. It was wonderful to finally meet my newest adorable niece Autumn and spend time having fun with her big sisters Evelyn and Leah. Perhaps I'll get around to a blog post about it with some pictures, but for now just know that I had a wonderful time. I cherished the laughter and hugs and random "I love you"s from Evelyn and Leah, and the snuggles I got from Autumn. And just as good were the evenings after the girls got to bed and Sarah and I were so tired we'd end up giggling about the silliest things. It was also great to spend time with Matt, though I didn't see him as much I would have liked because they kept calling him into work. I am also extremely grateful to Jacob for letting me leave him for a week, I missed him a lot and it was nice to get back home to him at the end of the week.

So, with that small update let me move on to the real reason for this post: one of my New Year's goals. I really want to broaden the number of recipes I make and am familiar with, so this year one of my goals is to learn at least one new recipe every month. And, because Jacob and I are both trying to lose weight, I am specifically looking for healthy recipes we can both enjoy. This is where you guys come in. If you have a recipe you just love (whether it's healthy or not) I would love to get it from you in a comment or in an e-mail (if you don't have my e-mail and want it, let me know in a comment and I'll get it to you). I know so many of you are wonderful cooks and have stores of tasty recipes, so I'd love to have any of them you're willing to share!

Hopefully I'll be better at writing on this here blog in 2014 than I was in 2013, but until my next post know that I love you all, and that I am so grateful for all of you and the many other blessings I have been given. As you've seen from previous posts I've spent quite a while struggling with feeling unhappy with my life, but lately I've realized that even if my life isn't perfect, it IS good. And I have so much to be grateful for! (Including the delicious recipes I'm sure you're all going to share with me.)

P.S. perhaps if I get enough tasty recipes, I'll share a couple of our favorites with you in return in my next post. Nothing like bribery to get what you want, right.