Discovery

Jacob and I have discovered a new favorite treat place. For a while we always went up to Coney's because we love their frozen custard. But, we have discovered somewhere much closer, healthier, and more delicious.

I'll even tell you where it is so that you can all enjoy it too. Drumroll please . . .

Earth Fruits Yogurt.

That is our new favorite place. They have like 6 or 7 flavors of frozen yogurt, all made using real fruit. Then they have about 20 or 30 different toppings you can add on top. Fruit, candy bar pieces, Cheesecake bites. So tasty!

Just one problem. The more you pile on the deliciousness, the more it costs because the cost is based on the weight of what is in your bowl. But, if you can control yourself, it is so worth it.

Delicious! You should all try it. (Those of you in Provo who can get there anyway.) It's right by Fat Cats, HogiYogi, and Teriyaki Stix.

And now I'm craving some.

Just in case you care

I added a new post to my writing blog for the first time in over a year. It's just a short poem I wrote, because I felt like it.
It's certainly not amazing, and I felt really rusty while writing it, but please, feel free to enjoy and comment.
You can check it out Here

Happy Fall. Watch out for the possible snow on Monday.

When Fall comes

I remember.

Raking up leaves in the old house in Layton. It was pretty much my job every year. And then, when I was done, I would lay down in a the big pile and just smell the leaf smell and look up at the sky. Until Aussie came and licked me in the face.

I miss having leaves to rake. But more than that, I miss have Aussie attack and lick my face.

But hey, at least it IS fall. And I get to walk through crunchy leaves.

If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops

It's fall now.

I walked home in the rain today. Good thing my husband lets me use his umbrella because the last two I bought died within a week of the purchase.

However, I still got wet. Especially my feet. I decided I need some of these:


And possibly one of these:


And my own one of these:


Or maybe this one to cover my backpack


Or maybe another of the options on this website here

Only problem is, such things cost money. But, you can feel free to donate to the "Lydia needs to stay dry Charity". It can even be your birthday present, since my birthday IS coming up.


Speaking of birthdays, Jacob and I are going to see this

for our combined birthday presents. I'm super excited! This will be my first time seeing a musical at an actual playhouse, so far I've only experienced them at a high school level. And my high school had a great musical program, but still, not the same. Now I just have to wait till November 15th!

That they may be light.

So, I'm taking an LDS Literature class this semester, and I absolutely love it. It makes me think a lot about things I wouldn't have before. But one thing about it is bugging me.

Everybody in my class keeps talking about how people in the LDS culture are rarely willing to admit that they are going through a hard time or that their life is not going perfectly. I can understand the basis for this statement because often people are worried that they will be judged by others if something is wrong in their life. However, I do not feel like this is entirely the case. And even when it is the case, I feel like it should not be the case.

I'm not saying we need to tell everybody about all of our problems, or that everybody in the ward should know about the issues a family might face, because some things simply don't need to be shared. I'm just saying we shouldn't be ashamed to admit we aren't perfect. Only one person who has ever lived has been perfect, and we certainly shouldn't expect everybody to be Christ. But I think that sadly, sometimes within the Mormon culture, perfection can be expected, or that we at least think it is expected of us. This simply should not be the case.

In the book of Mosiah we read about Alma teaching at the waters of Mormon. When the people are baptized they covenant that they are "willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light . . to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:8-9). The baptismal covenant that we make in latter days is the same that those faithful members made at the waters of Mormon. God wants his children to help each other, in fact he asks us to do, and by doing so we show our love for him.

How can the children of God fulfill this commandment if we do not let them. If we do not admit that we need help, how can God send us the answer to a prayer in the form of a faithful neighbor, visiting teacher, friend, or family member? If we refuse to be helped, how can our loved ones be given an opportunity to find their lives through losing their lives in service. God has always wanted service to be an essential part of his gospel. It knits his people together, and gives them an opportunity for progression.

I have seen this in my own life. My family has been through their own problems, and at first I often felt ashamed of the problems I and my family faced. However, as time passed, I recognized how important it is to accept help when you need it. It is only through loving support of friends, family, and ward members who knew of our family's needs that we were able to pull through some of our rough patches. Today, I have a stronger testimony of the gospel, of prayer, and of God's love because of the service our family was given. And this never would have happened if my family had kept our problems to ourselves because we wanted everyone to think we led a perfect life.

Anyway, this post ended up being a lot longer than I meant for it to be when I started out, so I'll wrap it up. I just want to say that it saddens me that in the LDS culture there may be a tendency to hide our weaknesses and difficult times. I believe that through sharing our burdens we can be built up spiritually, and help those around us to do the same.

Ingenuity

So, this weekend was Conference weekend; so wonderful!

But between conference sessions on Saturday, we went on an adventure.

To Honks.(A dollar store)

It happens to be really close to our apartment, so we headed over there. In search of crayons and a coloring book! Because I desperately needed something to do while listening to conference. But, apparently you can't find good coloring books at Honks. Or maybe they just don't exist anymore, because Honks had coloring books, but they were lame. So we decided to wonder around and see what they might have to do, or small items we've been meaning to buy lately. And then just as we were going to check out, we found the jackpot!

Necklaces. That would normally be retailed for like 20 plus bucks. For one dollar. Actual nice necklaces that I would want to buy and wear. So, I bought some. My favorite one though(because it's green) was shorter than I would like, so at first I was just not going to bother about it. But then, Jacob had a genius idea. Buy two of them, and combine them. So we bought two of them.

And then I came home and wondered how I could make two necklaces become one, without looking weird. So, I tinkered around, removed some pieces, connected others. And processed to create this masterpiece:



I am quite proud of myself. I really do want to learn how to make my own jewelry in hopes it will be cheaper than buying it. And this gave me another idea of how I can find jewelry for cheap, and get practice at working with the pieces.

Also, we finally stopped by the little bakery that is also right by our apartment. We got some delicious eclairs. Mmmm.

And today, my parents took us for drive to see the beautiful fall leaves.

Such a great weekend.

What is happening to me?!

I know that a lot of you are probably thinking about that youtube video now, you know the one, "David after the Dentist".
And if you aren't thinking about it because you haven't seen it, see it! It is hilarious! And then after you watch it you should watch the Chad Vader version as well, because that also is hilarious.

But, that's not what I'm talking about at all. The fact is that I've been asking myself that question about lots of things lately.

Today it's because I absolutely cannot get myself to study for a test I have tomorrow. That's not like me. School has always been my thing. Sometimes I've felt like it's the only thing I know how to do, at least well. So, although I'll complain about homework as much as the next person, it's always been relatively easy for me to get around to doing it. Not this semester. When I just have to read, I am fine. In fact I use my reading homework to avoid my other homework, like studying and writing papers and coming up with ideas for projects. Because working on those things that really should be done first, it's like pulling teeth. Tonight I sat and banged my head against the couch(literally, just ask Jacob) for like five minutes before forcing myself to study for my test on Edgar Allen Poe. Studying lasted for about twenty or thirty minutes. Then I resorted to washing dishes. . . What is happening to me?!

Also, I still get moments of anger and frustration that come out of no where. This has been happening for a few months, and it's even getting better. But it is still so hard to deal with. I feel like I'm not in control of myself sometimes, and that scares me. I wish I understood what is happening to me.

Third. Sometimes I feel really really lonely. I love Jacob, and he doesn't neglect me, so don't get the wrong idea. But sometimes, I feel so disconnected from the world. I feel like I don't really have friends anymore. Or at least friends that I can talk to or do things with. But I do have friends. It's like I just don't remember how to plan get togethers anymore. Getting married shouldn't do that to a person. Sad day. (P.S. If you are reading this Sara K. G., I am now missing you very much. Come back to Provo and me!)

Most of all though, sometimes I just feel lost. I think it comes from being in my last year of college and my first year of marriage. The world seems like a much bigger place than I ever really thought of before, and I have to go out an face it now, as an adult. And that scares me. What if I can't find a job after graduation. What if I end up hating my chosen field. What happens when Jacob finds a job in some distant state and I move farther away from my parents than I have ever been?
Sometimes, I feel like I don't remember who I am. Like somewhere along the line I forgot what made me, me. And I don't know how to find me, because that person I lost has changed and grown. So I have to discover a new me. I don't remember how to do that. And that worries me. Shouldn't I be able to define who I am? Outside of "LDS, student, English major, editing minor, daughter, sister, wife"? I don't know what happened to me, how I lost who I was. Or maybe I never knew, and that makes it even worse.

So how do you discover yourself, re-create a person? And do so during a crazy, hectic senior year of college and first year of marriage?

I don't know yet. But I want to try. And hopefully I'll succeed. But until then, I'll keep trusting in the Lord. Because I do know one thing, He knows who I am.

Hepatitis, Bagels, and Leaves

So, in my LDS Literature class we read Pat Madden's books of essays titled Quotidiana. Now, I've never been an entirely huge fan of essays before, but I had to read the book, so I did. At first I was super annoyed at how much his essays jumped around from personal experiences to random thoughts to random facts about the objects or people he was thinking about. Not to mention the random references to his favorite band Rush. To make matters worse the essays weren't ever really conclusive about anything. However, the more I read, the more I began to understand the method to his madness, and it became even more clear when he came and talked to our class. (Pat Madden is a BYU professor and close friends with the teacher of my LDS Lit. class.) Madden said that the real way to write a good essay is to subvert the main topic. If you focus on your goal to much, your thoughts will not be free to wander in the way that will really help you organize your thoughts.
At first, this was really difficult for me to understand, but then I thought about it more. And it really does make sense. Because in every moment of our lives we are bombarded by a million different strains of thought. There really is no way to come to any conclusion if you're ignoring all of the random thoughts that direct the real direction toward a goal that you're trying to reach.
I've found that when I'm focusing too much on one thing I fail to recognize everything else around me, but every once in a while I do actually notice other things around me. For example, you may be wondering what in the world I mean by the title of this post. Well, let me explain. The other day I was reading one of Patrick Madden's essays. It was all about Hepatitis. Did you know that for a while some people thought that AIDS had resulted from an attempt to make Hepatitis A vaccines? Interesting fact, isn't it? Well, while I was learning all about Hepatitis I was also eating one delicious Asiago bagel with cream cheese and thinking about just how delicious it tasted. Strange combination of thoughts, hepatitis and bagels. And while I was thinking that strange combination I happened to look up, right at the mountain side which is currently full of leaves changing colors. Fall is coming, and it looks beautiful! What a strange combination of thoughts.
Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't let yourself focus too much on one thing, because you'll miss out on a lot of discoveries. Let your mind wander, even if it seems like your thoughts are leading no where. And check out the beautiful changes of nature around you, because fall is wonderful!

Old Friends and Bookends

Okay, so for last, oh eight months or so I have apparently had a seriously big chip on my shoulder, or something. Because I am have been so stinking grumpy a good deal of the time and all around not pleasant to be around quite often. Awful, and horrible. And the worst thing is that I knew how stupid I was being and half the time I must not have cared and the other half of the time I could not figure out why, or how in the world to change things.
Now, I am making no promises that I am completely over this strange and most annoying phase, but today I may have been looking at things the right way. I think that one of my biggest problems has been that I've been focusing a lot of things I regret about the past. Things I wish I'd done, or done differently, or hadn't done. Things I wish other people had done differently, things I wish I'd done with my life and didn't. And so on and so forth. You'd think I would have learned by now to let the past be the past and not ruin your present and future. Apparently I hadn't.

But lately, I've been thinking a lot about the past in a better light. Mainly highschool, but today just the past and general, and mostly about old friends. I'm not entirely sure about what brought it on, but my suspicion is that all the mission homecomings and marriages have brought it on. Whatever the cause though, I'm grateful for it, because my new direction of thoughts may be just what I needed.

Because this morning while at work(btw, this is my last week working at 5am, yay!) I was thinking about things and being happy, instead of grumpy, and that's been a rare thing lately. And this morning, I realized something. Sure, there are things about my past that I wish would have been different, but all in all, I have a lot of good memories. I've had many good friends, an amazing family, and really no more challenges than the average Joe, or Jane as it may be. So today I've been recalling a lot of the good things, and wishing that I did that more. Things like card games at Kelcey's in 6th grade, lunches studying AP History with Amanda during our Jr. year, the sleepover at Marlee's when we kept seeing creepy shapes in the tree branches over the trampoline, or the day my freshmen roommates and I took pictures with the windows rolled down and our hair everywhere. I seriously could have a never ending list of happy memories if I thought long enough, but those specific memories aren't the point. The point is that as much as I've forgotten the fact over the last few months, I have had a wonderful life. Sure it may not seem exciting compared to some, but I have had a blessed life because of the people that I've associated with during it. Amazing friends, a loving family, great teachers and leaders. Sure, sometimes time can change relationships and they dissolve or end badly, but that's not really a good reason to ignore the good memories or forget how my life was changed for the better by that person.

And let me tell you, these thoughts were just what I needed. Because being in that better mood has helped me remember other fun things. Like how I've always compared songs to my life, or more often than not a book I've read. Remembering that today made me smile. I am so silly and was so silly when it comes to books. With reading so much for college, I've actually lost some of my zeal for reading for pleasure, and it's like I've lost a part of me. However, I've found a couple of really good books and series this summer that reminded me of how much joy I used to find in a good book, and it's been a great feeling. I still can't read for the long periods that I used to be able to do, but I do feel like I'm finding that part of me again.

And maybe, that part of me can help make reading for homework better this semester. It should also help that I'm finally done with the lower level classes and really got to choose my specific class topics. And I am quite excited about the classes I'm taking. Classes about Fiction Editing, American Novels, LDS Literature, American Folklore, and Edgar Allen Poe. Sound great, don't they? No wonder I'm excited.

One thing I'm not excited about is all the books I had to buy for those fun classes. If my estimates are correct I've spend somewhere around 250, and I most likely won't get it back from salebacks at the end of the semester, because I'll want to keep a lot of the books. Thank goodness for the Pell grant I'm eligible for now that I'm married! One more reason to love having Jacob in my life. :)

Our True Identity

America's Choir, The Lord's Prophet

Last night Jacob and I had the opportunity to attend the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's concert that they do each year for Pioneer Day. This year they were specifically celebrating the Choir for the pioneering they have done. I had no idea how often they were the first choir to use a new recording device or method throughout history. Apparently this year was the 100 year anniversary since the first time they were recorded. That's pretty darn awesome in my opinion. As always their music was absolutely amazing and provided a thoroughly enjoyable evening. There is so much power in music, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful choir that the church has that can provide opportunities to enjoy that power.

Although I enjoyed the music, it was also an extra special evening for me because it was the first time since I started taking my Living Prophets class that I've been to an event with President Monson present. I've always had a testimony of the prophet, but somehow just taking this class and learning more about him has made it even stronger. I love him even more as well. It was just a great feeling for me last night to feel how strong my testimony of the prophet has grown in just the few short weeks I've been in my class. I love knowing when I'm growing in the gospel, and so last night was just a great night for me all around.

I'm certainly grateful that my Grandma always makes sure we know when to put our name in for the ticket raffles!

I'd almost given up

on getting to read anymore books in the series this book started:



I started reading the Tennis Shoes Adventure series forever ago. There are currently ten books in the series and I own every single one. I would impatiently wait for the next one to come out, and then read it as soon as possible. They were a common birthday or Christmas present from my parents or grandparents.
And then, Heimerdinger got to busy with the Passage to Zarahemla movie. And it seemed that he forgot all about the Tennis Shoes series. I was quite unhappy about it. Usually the next book would take a year or two to come out. Well, it's been five years, and I hadn't heard anything about the next book. On a whim the other day I decided to look it up and see if there are any news on a new book. I knew there was supposed to be one, because of how the tenth one ended, so I thought it might be worth a look. And it was!! I was so excited to see that the script for book eleven is with the publishers. And it will most likely be available in September! Woohoo!

I know most of you probably don't care, but I'm super excited. Thanks for letting me share that excitement with you.

Finally presenting...The Wedding!!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get around to this, I was waiting for my mom to be able to pick up my pics and get them to us. But we have them now, so here you go.

Jacob and I were married at 10:45 in the Bountiful Temple on April 30, 2010. Jacob wanted it to hail that day, but I wanted the weather to be nice. As it happened we got rain and snow that day...but not until after we got all our pictures taken, so we both got half our wish. It was really cold while we took pictures, but they turned out great, so I won't complain too much.We were so happy to have so many family and friends there to support us. It was a beautiful ceremony and Brother Knighton(our sealer and a family friend) gave us some great advice and counsel. I am so grateful to be sealed to Jacob for eternity and for all the love we receive from both of our families.

Anyway, I don't think you really need a lot of explanation, so I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves. (Thanks again to Amanda Campbell-Campbell Photography for doing such a great job as our photographer)
P.S. My blogger is being stupid about adding pictures, and I need to get to sleep since I work in 8 hours...so I'll try and get some more up later and I'll put some on facebook.

Continue to stay tuned...and life.

I promise promise promise I WILL blog about the wedding and the following activities, I'm waiting to get my pictures back. But then I'll get a move on, I promise.

For now, I'll just talk a little bit about life as a wife(yes, I rhymed on purpose).

First of all, Jacob is an amazing husband(I didn't doubt that would be the case). He takes such good care of me, and does little things for me, like grabbing all the things I need before I go to sleep. He's patient with my crazy work/sleep schedule, and never complains when my alarm clock wakes him up at 4:20. It's annoying to have such a different sleep schedule, but we're making it work.

Second, it's really weird not being constantly busy with school. And we love it. Although I get bored really easily, it's still nice to just sit at home all day. Sometimes I feel really bad for not getting anything accomplished, but usually I feel like I deserve the break. :)

One thing I really want to be better at is cooking. We've been trying to find some good recipes we want to try or get better at making, and tonight we found a great one. (It helps that I was given about 6 or 7 cookbooks) You may have heard of cabbage rolls...these were kind of like that. Except they were Cabbage Crescent Rolls. So instead of trying to wrap the meat in the cabbage, we cooked both together and then wrapped them in the crescent rolls you can buy. The recipe is BIG. At least for two people. I halved it and we are both super full, and there is enough for dinner another night. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this at all is because I'm just happy that it was such a success.

Also, my family(the Doug Hirschi family) had our first reunion this summer. I guess you would call it that at least. My parents paid for us all to stay at a cabin at a Camperworld up by Heber City. It was smaller than we all expected, and that was a little annoying, but we still had fun and I'm glad we've started that tradition. I can hardly believe that the family has gone from 5 to 8 already, but I'm certainly glad for Matt, Evelyn, and Jacob. And we were also happy to have David's friend Sheridan spend some time up there with us as well.

We also enjoyed Memorial Day this last Monday. Our day included breakfast and cemetery visit in Herriman at 9, lunch at a park in the Draper area at 12 along with a shower for Jacob's sister Sarah, and then making it back to Provo in time for Jacob to work at 4. It was a busy but fun day.

Anyway, over all, being married is an adjustment, but for the most part it's been easy, and we're both pretty happy.

Stay Tuned

I promise I will post an actual entry with pictures and descriptions of wedding, honeymoon, and new apartment as soon as I have time. For now, know that Jacob and I had a wonderful wedding day, a fantastic honeymoon, and we are working on settling into our new apartment which we love already.

Life is amazing

Yesterday I went through the temple. What an amazing and beautiful experience. I know it will be a long time before I full understand what is done there, but I'm glad I've finally been able to begin the experience for myself.

In 5 days, I am getting married to the person I love more than anybody else in the world.

How could life be any better than it is?

I survived

The most stressful semester of my life! And it feels so fantastic!

Now I just have to pack, and move stuff, and go through the temple, then get married, go to Seattle, and then move everything again.

But I am so excited.

Counting

4 more finals

4 more days with my roommates

1 more cleaning check

8 more days at work

2 more weeks

That's all I have to survive. And then

2 people will be 1

April 30th better hurry up, I'm getting extremely impatient.

Three weeks.

Enough said.

This month

I have lots and lots of papers and projects I have to do for school. But then . . .

I am going through the temple!

I am getting married!

I am going to Seattle for my honeymoon!

I just have to survive the next couple of weeks.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..

Okay, that's not quite true. Yesterday was crazy busy and I still had some very very stressful moments. But, over all. Yesterday was a great day!

First of all, I got to spend the morning with my family. Breakfast was just the original 5 Hirschis. And we had a blast. Now don't get me wrong. I love Jacob and Matt, and missed them. But it was still fun.

Second, I finally got to see Brian!!! He got home from his mission at the beginning of February, and I still hadn't seen him yet. It was fantastic. Also, he and Jacob finally met each other. That was fun for me.

Third. My Grandma and my aunts threw me a fantastic bridal shower. It was great to feel the love and support from family members. And it was also great to get some awesome presents!

Then, I went and got my bridals done. Amanda did a fantastic job! Especially with all the help from Blake. And I am super excited to see how they turned out. My parents also came to help and they are just fantastic. It ended up being a lot of fun, even though I was freezing cold!

So yeah, yesterday was great. I love life. Sometimes I let myself forget that fact, but today, I remember it.

Tender Mercies

I am so thankful for the tender mercies of the Lord. This week so far has been...well, a week from somewhere I won't name. But right now, in this very moment, I'm feeling okay. And I know that's only because the Lord is looking out for me. He's given me so many things to help me through, and I'm glad I've decided to pay attention to some of them. I know there are many more, but I thought I'd name just a few.

1. Family and friends who have been so loving and supporting the last few days.

2. Jacob...he may be included in the first one, but there is just something different about his support, maybe it's the knowing just how much he loves me.

3. Spring has finally sprung. It's in the air, and it makes me happy.

4. Music. Once I was having a hard time, and decided to create a playlist, just a short one. It's entitled "Inspirational" but basically it's my, "I need to not hate life right now, and these songs might help" list. Well, I'm listening to it right now, and it's certainly helping.

5. The Priesthood. I had Jacob give me a blessing the other night, because frankly I'm too worn out to handle things on my own right now, and I needed some extra help. It was beautiful. And something I can remember as I'm trying to keep up the fight. I'm so grateful for the power of the priesthood, and that Jacob is a worthy holder of it.

So, there are a few of my tender mercies from the Lord. If you're having a bad day, let this list give you a few ideas for a list of your own. Because God never leaves us alone and without help. You just have to be willing to see his work in your life.

Happy Anniversary!

Today is my parents' anniversary. They have been married for 27 years! Wow, they're getting old. Just kidding! I love my parents, they are both so amazing. I am grateful for this chance I get to honor them and their marriage. I am so grateful for the example they are to me of how a husband and wife should work together, and how they should support each other for everything. I hope that I can follow their example in my own marriage.

Thanks for everything Mom and Dad. And congrats on making it to 27 years!

Wedding Colors

So, I've been having a difficult time describing my colors to some people, and some of you need to know what they are. So, this should hopefully help you!

that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life

I just finished reading Middlemarch for my English Novel class. At first, the book was really slow. It’s about 800 pages long, and I probably didn’t get drawn into the book until about halfway through. However, once I did get interested, it was really good, and I actually finished it a week before I needed to. Anyway, I thought I’d share some of the thoughts that I’ve gained from this book.
One of the main focuses of the book is the fact that within a given community, or other distinction of people, there is always a sort of web, that is to say, everybody is somehow connected. And every person sees this web from a different point of view, so they see things differently. I guess I’ve always agreed with this point, but I’ve started thinking more about the webs I am a part of. I think that so often we get way too focused on our own point of view, and we forget that other people see things in ways that we can’t. The other day I wrote a short post, that I really don’t care if it got ignored because all I was doing was venting. I was really frustrated with some people I associate with on a daily basis, and the fact is that they are still doing some things that really frustrate me. But just now, I’ve realized that their point of view is completely different from mine. They probably have no idea how inconsiderate I think they’ve been lately. And I have no idea what problems and feelings they may be dealing with right now. So just remember, you’re connected to everyone. No matter what you say or do, you affect other people, just like they affect you. And not everyone will see these interactions like you do. So try to see things from the point of view of others before you act.

One of the other things that is a focus in the book is relationships. One of the “books” is actually titled Three Love Problems, so obviously this book talks about this a lot. One thing I learned from this book, or I guess it would be better to say I was reminded of this. When you start a relationship with somebody, whether that be romantic or other, you will always have certain expectations, about the person and about the relationship. Those expectations should never be based on something false, and you shouldn’t ignore anything about you or the other individual when making them. Also, generally your expectations aren’t completely met by the real thing. If things turn out better than you expected, don’t doubt that, just enjoy it. If they turn out to be what you see as worse, don’t focus on your disappointed expectations. Accept the person and your relationship for what they are, and focus on what you can do improve the relationship for both of you. I think we can see all the time that people forget this in our world today. You can see it in the high divorce rate. People dream up these grand expectations of their marriage and their spouse, and then when life gets a little difficult, they turn their backs and run, instead of working towards a new realistic goal. I understand that sometimes it is hard to be let down, but I plan on working harder to accept what comes and make the best of it. Because if you can’t’ accept reality, you’ll only feel worse.

Finally, the book ends with this quote:“for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts, and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs” For some reason when I read this quote, it really resounded with me. There are so many people in the world who make a big difference, just by living their lives. Generally they go unnoticed, and they are never recognized for the good they did for the world. But they never expected that or asked for it, and I guess that is what made them so good. In my own life I can think of so many people who’ve made a difference, just by being themselves. Sometimes I can see what someone has done for me, and when that’s the case, I try to thank them for it. But often, it isn’t until many years later that I see what they did for me, and there are some people who I may never fully appreciate in this lifetime. I wish that we could all see the way others influence us, because then maybe we’d all be a little kinder to each other.

I also think it is so important to realize the potential you have to do good for other people. When I realize that I have the ability to make a difference, it makes me feel a lot better about myself. Lately, I’ve had a really hard time recognizing my own value, and feeling like I am at all important in this world. But, in reading this book and thinking about the things I’ve written above, I’ve been able to see things a little more clearly. I have a role to play in this world. If I didn’t, then Heavenly Father wouldn’t have created me. I have people and communities that I am supposed to interact with, and people that I can make a difference to. Every person in this world has a place that no one else could fill. Everyone has an enormous potential for good. All we have to do is recognize that fact. We have to realize that we are not alone in this life, that we can change the lives of others for good, and that there are people that we need to work with to create the relationships that make this life worth living.

Well, that’s it. I realize that these thoughts aren’t very connected, but they’ve been drifting through my mind tonight. I hope that reading this has given you some new thoughts of your own. And if not, oh well. And to those of you who have made a difference in my life, Thank you. Who I am today is in large part a product of those I’ve shared my life with, and I wouldn’t have it any other way

Grr

I'm simply venting. Right now I am really annoyed with some people and a certain situation they have created. But, sadly there is nothing I can do about it. And now I am feeling very grumpy and angry. However, I'm working very hard lately on not overreacting. So I'm not letting myself react at all. Except for this. Thank you all for letting me vent. It's nice that I can at least express the fact that I am angry.

I feel a little better now.

P.S. Less than 60 days!

BYUSA Elections time

It's that time of year again, the time all normal BYU students dread and fear. That's right, elections for BYUSA. Can I just tell you how much they drive me crazy!? My first recollections of election time consist of going the long way across campus because Sara Gomez insisted that we avoid any elections people at all cost. By the end of the week we had our new routes down, but we were still grateful when they disappeared. I no longer try to avoid them, I just refuse to acknowledge their attempts to annoy me. Quite frequently I am tempted to turn to them and say, I'll vote for your stupid friend when you quite annoying me on my way across campus! Because the truth is, that's all they really do is annoy people while we've got places to go and people to see. In my nearly three years here at BYU, I've never really been able to see the difference that any BYUSA presidency made, so I honestly feel no desire to vote for any of them, especially if they're getting in my face and telling me to do so. Can we also talk about the extreme amount of bribery going on in these elections? I'm pretty sure every candidate has something they'll give you if you promise to vote for them, or if you ever listen to their whole shpill about why you should vote for them. I've seen....tickets to concerts, cookies, candy. Really people, don't' you want people to vote for you based on what you can do, and not what you gave them on their way to class?

I guess some people should say that I need to get more involved and pay attention to who runs for the elections. But really...I have no desire to. So instead, I'll just complain about the annoying people attacking innocent freshmen on their way to class.

Mawwiage is what bwings us together today...

Okay, first off. I know I'm not getting married today.....but I am getting married in a little over 2 months....64 days to be exact(if my calculations are correct) Whoa that's coming up soon. I feel like I'll never get everything done in time that I need to, so I want time to slow down. But on the other hand...I can't wait to know I'm sealed to Jacob for eternity, so April 30th better get here ASAP.

Anywho...obviously I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately. And for my English 333 class...that is English Novels, we're supposed to be keeping some sort of journal where we just write our thoughts and feelings about what we've been reading. Well, combine those two and your result is the fact that there is marriage EVERYWHERE in every novel we've read so far. I'm not even kidding you. Obviously it's always been there, but I never noticed it so much before. What we've read so far is Emma, Jane Eyre, Hard Times, and now we're reading Middlemarch. One of the really interesting things I've found is how often marriage wasn't about love. Which in most cases soon leads to unhappiness which leads to other bad consequences. However, there were some cases where love was the reason for marriage, and those people were happy. They still had trials to face, but they were happy. In our society today, you don't hear about as many marriages based on something besides love. So, I've been thinking....when did people finally realize that love was the way to have a successful and happy marriage? Interesting thought.....

Also, I'm glad that I've been paying attention to what I've learned from the novels, because what I wrote above is something I need to remember: When marriage is built on love, and a willingness to work together and help each other, then no matter what trials you face, you can still be happy. Lately I've been so scared about the future. Getting married is a HUGE change, and I have no idea what to expect. I know Jacob and are going to be really tight on money, I know that we're both going to be really busy with our last year at BYU, and I know that things are going to be really rough. I don't think it's wrong to think about those facts, I need to be prepared to face them. But, I've been letting them take over my mind, and become all I can think about (when I'm not thinking about my piles of homework and reading to do). I've let myself become so scared, that I wasn't enjoying life anymore. I focused more on my fears than on my hopes for the future. Because the truth is, I'm marrying the best man I've ever known. I love him with all of my heart. I have no doubt that he loves me with all of his heart, because he's proved it to me over and over again with his unfailing patience. He can make me smile and laugh when I'm in the worst mood, he makes me happier than I can remember ever being. I could go on and on about how blessed I am to have Jacob in my life, and to be marrying him in 2 months and so many other blessings that I've been given. But I won't, because my point is that I've been forgetting all of that lately. So I'm glad that in writing this "journal entry" for my class that I've had a reminder that despite the trials ahead, I'm going to be happy with Jacob Ross. I know that's true, and I'm looking forward to it.

Now, less of a personal note. Now that I've noticed how prevalent marriage is as a topic in our books, I started thinking about why that was. I think it's because marriage always has been, and always will be, a vital part of society. I've always been taught that in church, but lately it's of course been something talked about in politics and society in general. It's always said that the reason we learn history is because we can learn valuable lessons from it. So, why can't everyone look at the history of the world. Literary works often shed a lot of light on the history of the time they were written in, and so just by taking the few books I've read for one college class, it's easy to see one thing: Marriage is important. That marriage being between a man and a woman. I really don't often speak up about issues like this, but I do have my own opinion. I fully believe that what I've said is true. Marriage has been, and should remain, something that is recognized as the union between a man and a woman. In this form, marriage has played an important role in the history of mankind since the days of Adam and Eve. So, why can't people look at the past and learn that lesson? Who knows?

Anyway, I'm off to class now. Thanks for enduring my rambling. Have a good day!

No puedo esperar más sin tenerte junto a mí

The title is from some lyrics of a Spanish song that I really like...I've discovered a fondness for quite a few Spanish songs.

Also, I really like A Fine Frenzy these days. Sara K. G. and I used to love the song "Almost Lover" but I basically never listened to any other songs until I got bored with the music on my ipod and added some random songs. Like...."The Minnow and the Trout" which it turned out I loved! So, I started paying more attention to all of my songs by A Fine Frenzy. And low and behold, I like all of them. My latest favorite is "Hope for the Hopeless" and the reason I like these songs so much is because I find the lyrics really powerful. I told Jacob I wanted to know more about the music I listen to than just whether I like it or not, so he suggested I look some of it up on Wikipedia. Turns out that A Fine Frenzy is just one person. Go figure, I always thought it was a band. Anyway, her real name is Alison Sudol, and you wanna know why her lyrics are so great? Because she loves to read! She's even planning on writing a children's book after the tradition of books like The Chronicles of Narnia. No wonder I like her so darn much, we are kindred spirits, what with the whole love of the written word thing. So, there's some info for you about my looking into music.

On to other things. I feel like all of my friends are getting married. I'm serious! My friend Mark Amos(one of my best friends in HS) gets married the day after me and Travis Lund(we've been friends since 6th grade) is getting married in March. Amanda Jardine(my roommate last year) got engaged on Saturday, and today I got a text from Kelcey Ovard(we've been friends since 1st grade, and share a birthday!) telling me she got engaged yesterday. I don't know how we all grew up so fast! It's crazy. I'm not complaining at all, I am so happy I'm getting married, and super excited for all of them too, I'm just saying I don't know where the time went.

Another thing...I love Jacob. I'm pretty sure I include that in every post, but I'm so serious, he is the only thing keeping me sane right now. The song that has the lyrics I used for the title is basically someone saying that they don't want to exist or do anything if the person they love isn't with them. Sometimes I feel like I wouldn't be able to function if I didn't' have Jacob in my life right now, so that's why I picked those lyrics.

Finally, sometimes I just get hit by this sudden realization of how lucky I am to have the gospel in my life, how grateful I am to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had one of those the other day, and I just wanted to share my feelings on here. I can't imagine life without the gospel knowledge that I have. To know that there is a deeper purpose for my life, that I don't just cease to exist after death, and that I can always have my family and those I love with me-- that is a great feeling. Life would not even be worth it to me if I didn't know those things. I wish that somehow everyone could realise how much meaning the gospel can give them. I guess that is why I always wanted to go on a mission. I hope that I can take time to find missionary opportunities in my life, because I want to help others finding the meaning and happiness I've received in my life because of the gospel.

Anyway...that's it for today. Love life and each other.

Music?

I've decided I want to branch out more on what music I listen to, and I want to be more knowledgeable about the music I listen to. So, I'm open to suggestions of good artists are songs that are worth paying attention to. I want to figure out what makes me like a song, and what I think makes a song good quality. So...yeah. Help me out maybe, by giving me some good suggestions.

Happy

I am happy because:

In less than three months I am getting married to the man of my dreams.

My cousin Brian just got home from his mission, and it'll be nice to get to talk to him more often.

I finally got my attitude on a little straighter, and I'm not stressed out all the time, at least not as much.

And, did I mention that I have this great guy in my life named Jacob?

Update!

I'm going crazy. It's true. I have an emotional breakdown at least once a week, because I can't keep the stress from getting to me. And it's driving me crazy, cause I know it's ridiculous.

School is the main source, not the wedding. Possibly because school keeps me so busy I barely have time to think about the wedding. The class that's going to kill me? Elang 350. Otherwise known as Basic Editing. And entirely necessary for me to take right now. We have 5 books for that class. 5 textbooks on editing. I have reading from at least two of them every class period, and lately a 2-4 page worksheet to practice what I've read. Not to mention the total of 6 tests in the class. Plus the final. That is 7 tests in a 16 week period. Not fun. Plus 2 or 3 projects. One which I'm already supposed to be working on, but are you kidding me, I haven't had time for that. So, if I die or actually do lose what sanity I have left, you can blame it on this class.

However, there has been one good thing that has come of this high stress level I've been at lately. I see even more how much Jacob loves me. He has been so patient with me(ignoring the fact that he thinks he gets to tickle me every time I get too discouraged) and I feel so bad it seems like I'm incapable of remembering what he's told me to help keep me calm. He truly is the source of my sanity right now. Even when I'm having a hard time, and I'm crying in the middle of campus, I really am still happy. That's something I realized this week. Despite my surface emotions, I have this deep rooted calm, peace, and happiness that doesn't really go away. I know that comes from Jacob, and it's been there since the first time he said "I love you" to me. So, although I may seem to be unhappy and stressed all the time, I really am happy right now. And I can't wait until April 30th when I can be sealed to Jacob for eternity. Nothing sounds better than that to me right now.

As for wedding plans, they're coming along quite nicely. I'm going to have my friend Amanda Campbell do our photography (if you need any pictures taken, check out the link to her photography blog under my blog list) and I met with her on Friday to talk about some ideas and times. My wedding dress is finished. My mom and I went to the ladies house one last time yesterday so she could make sure the hem was right, etc. It is perfect. I loved it before the alterations, but now, I love it even more. I know I'm going to feel beautiful in it, and I'm so excited for Jacob to see me in it. Also, my mom and I have decided how we want to do the centerpieces for the reception, and talked to my dad's cousin about what decoration we're going to rent from her company. We've basically decided on what we'll serve for refreshments, and the biggest reception stuff left to decide will depend on the weather. I want to have it in my parent's backyard, but we'll see if the weather cooperates.

Some exciting things: Jacob and I decided to make our own wedding cake together. I think it will be so much fun. And, if it isn't the most beautiful cake ever, that'll be okay, because we'll know that it's something we did together. Also, we've booked our honeymoon. We're driving up to Seattle and staying in a Bed and Breakfast in town. Best part-- the room we wanted wasn't' available, so they're giving us the slightly bigger and nicer room, for the same price as the other one. How sweet is that?

So, I think that's about it. Now to get back to life, cya.

Winter 2010...what will it be like?

Today was the first day for the new semester....

Can we just fast forward to April 30th please? Because then I would have another semester behind me(having gotten brilliant grades of course) and the wedding would be planned, and all I would have to do is get married! Too bad life doesn't work that way. So here's how it's gonna work this semester:

I'm working in the mornings again. I think 4am missed me. I didn't miss it. Luckily, I think I'll adjust okay. My mind and my body have done this before..so I just have to remember, right? Of course, that doesn't mean I'll avoid having a hard time staying awake in all my classes(today was not a good sign).

As for my classes, can I please murder my CHUM teacher and replace her with a new one. Way to go, not making sure that our book was on the booklist. And now the bookstore doesn't' have it ordered in....and you expect me to do the homework anyway? No thanks. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this will be my very least favorite class of the semester. Boo on you Computers and the Humanities 230, thanks for cramping my enjoyable semester. (Look forward to further complaints of this nature, though don't get me wrong, it will be nice to learn more about InDesign and Photoshop, and review what I haven't used in an eternity)

I also am taking Spanish again this semester. Ugh...Spanish. I'm quite tired of you. And I miss my teacher from last semester because I actually felt like I learned a lot from her. The only good thing about this class is that A. I do like learning a new language, just not all the busy work. And B. This is my second to last class of Spanish...ever, during my career at BYU.

Basic Editing should be an interesting class. We get to keep a blooper log. As in take pictures and document any and all usage or grammar mistakes on posters, signs, blogs, anything. Also, my teacher compared editors to Christ today....it was an interesting analogy, and actually pretty well thought out. I plan to learn a lot in this class. And...she's the teacher over internships, so I'll have to talk to her about that, and other good ways to get some actual experience. I'm contemplating joining a student journal...I'm just not sure I'll have time.

Speaking of time, I'm pretty sure life hates me, because Jacob and I hardly have any time to see each other this semester. Our schedules are pretty much opposites. This will be painful....but perhaps a good thing. Maybe I'll get more studying done. (AKA maybe Jacob will get more studying done, cause I always got my stuff done) But to say the least...I am NOT happy about this. At least I won't be working Sundays anymore though, so that'll be nice to actually spend some time with him on weekends.

So, the only classes I haven't mentioned are my World Lit and English Novel classes. I had World Lit today, and I'm excited for it. It's the second half, and I'm taking it from the same professor I took the first half from last semester. I really like her style, so I'm looking forward to the class. I haven't had my English Novel class yet, but I'm quite sure I will love it. Just one thing...I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I've already read at least half of the material for my two literature classes.....hmmmm.

One more note. People my age are getting back from their missions. It makes me feel kind of old. It will be fun to run into some of them on campus. Or at least I hope I'll run into them. This also means that my cousin Brian gets home in approximately 1 month. I love that kid, he's one of my best friends, and I'm super excited to see him!

Okay, I think that's all. Bye.

2010

So, it's the first day of 2010. Wow. Time flies way to fast. So, yesterday I told you all about some of the big things I did last year. Here's a preview for some of the things I am looking forward to this year:

I am going to finish planning a wedding.
I will take out my endowments.
I am getting married to Jacob on April 30th!!!!!
We are going to Seattle(for our honeymoon) it will be my first time there!
I'll start my last year at BYU.


hmm, the list may not be that long, but those are some pretty big things. I'm super excited for this year! It's gonna be great.

P.S. I love my life.