Handprints on my Heart

This is a post I've actually been thinking about writing for a while, but I keep putting it off because I'm not sure how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. But, it just keeps coming to mind, so I figured, I might as well try.

When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the type of person who had that one group of best friends, who they were best friends with for their entire life. In fact, I was absolutely sure that was going to be me and my friends. But then it wasn't. We were still friends, but over time we drifted apart and didn't spend as much time together. So, I made a new group friends and I told myself; this is it, this time we'll be best friends forever. But once again time went by, we changed, and grew apart. And the cycle has repeated itself numerous times. For a long time this bothered me, and some times I even wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't keep a best friend for more than a few years. However, as I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've realized that what was happening was simply life. Not everyone is going to have one group of friends for their entire life, no matter what TV shows or movies may say.

I've also realized that what this means for me is that I have been blessed with many, many best friends over the years. And I would not be who I am today without each and every one of them. It also means that I am still blessed with many good friends. Sure, there are some of my friends who aren't a part of my life at all anymore, who I've completely lost touch with. But, for the most part, I can still say that I'm friends with most of them. Even if most of our contact is on facebook, I still love keeping track of how they're doing, and I know that if I ever really needed them, they'd be there for me.

So, one of the main reasons I am writing this post is to say thank you. I know that not all of the people I'm writing this post for are actually going to see it, but nevertheless, I need to express my gratitude. From my first friends in elementary school, to my high school friends, and college roommates, each of them has played a huge part in who I am today. And I have so many fantastic memories! There is a song from the musical Wicked that I absolutely love called "For Good" (you can listen to it here if you'd like) but I feel like it expressed a lot of what I feel about all of my past friendships. Part of me just wants to copy all of the lyrics right here for you, but that may be a bit excessive. So I'll just share a couple of lines that stick out to me:

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

I do know that it's true, that each person who has played a part in my life was placed there for a reason. Another part that stick out to me says;

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done,
You blamed me for.

That's something else that I've felt a lot of lately. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn about myself in the past couple years is that I have a rather selfish streak to me. It's something I've been working hard to change, but I still have a long way to go. For a long time, when my friendships would drift apart, I'd blame it on the other person, or the other people, but now I know it was just as much my fault or my responsibility. And so, here and now I am apologizing for anything I ever did, or perhaps didn't do, that may have damaged one of my friendships. I think for a long time I was very focused on me and the difficult things I was going through. And perhaps I wasn't always the easiest person to love, but for the most part, you guys loved me anyway. And I will forever be grateful for that.

And finally, I want to take the opportunity to say that if you ever need me, I'm here. I may not always be the best at showing it, but I care very much for each and every one of you. I think perhaps if people knew how much I cared and how much I love hearing about how they're doing even years after we've been very close, they might think it was weird. But, I spend a lot of time alone these days, and I have a lot of time to think. And you'd be surprised how much of my time I spend thinking about all my friends and the wonderful times we had. I think I almost value my past friendships more now than I did when I was in them.

So I guess what this really comes down to is: I love you guys, and I am so grateful for each of you in my life. Thank you for making me who I am today.

Looking for Tasty Recipes

Happy New Years friends and family! Jacob and I are doing well and had a good Christmas and New Years. I was also able to spend a wonderful week in December with Sarah (my sister) and her family in Washington. It was wonderful to finally meet my newest adorable niece Autumn and spend time having fun with her big sisters Evelyn and Leah. Perhaps I'll get around to a blog post about it with some pictures, but for now just know that I had a wonderful time. I cherished the laughter and hugs and random "I love you"s from Evelyn and Leah, and the snuggles I got from Autumn. And just as good were the evenings after the girls got to bed and Sarah and I were so tired we'd end up giggling about the silliest things. It was also great to spend time with Matt, though I didn't see him as much I would have liked because they kept calling him into work. I am also extremely grateful to Jacob for letting me leave him for a week, I missed him a lot and it was nice to get back home to him at the end of the week.

So, with that small update let me move on to the real reason for this post: one of my New Year's goals. I really want to broaden the number of recipes I make and am familiar with, so this year one of my goals is to learn at least one new recipe every month. And, because Jacob and I are both trying to lose weight, I am specifically looking for healthy recipes we can both enjoy. This is where you guys come in. If you have a recipe you just love (whether it's healthy or not) I would love to get it from you in a comment or in an e-mail (if you don't have my e-mail and want it, let me know in a comment and I'll get it to you). I know so many of you are wonderful cooks and have stores of tasty recipes, so I'd love to have any of them you're willing to share!

Hopefully I'll be better at writing on this here blog in 2014 than I was in 2013, but until my next post know that I love you all, and that I am so grateful for all of you and the many other blessings I have been given. As you've seen from previous posts I've spent quite a while struggling with feeling unhappy with my life, but lately I've realized that even if my life isn't perfect, it IS good. And I have so much to be grateful for! (Including the delicious recipes I'm sure you're all going to share with me.)

P.S. perhaps if I get enough tasty recipes, I'll share a couple of our favorites with you in return in my next post. Nothing like bribery to get what you want, right.