I'd like that answer now please.

Yesterday in Conference one of the General Authorities talked about what we do when trials come. He spoke of how instead of asking "Why"? we should ask, "What do you want me to learn from this"? This is something that I've been working on a lot in my life lately as I've faced some of my own challenges. I think I've realised that if I can ask the second and more important question, the answer to that will also be the answer to the first question. I understand that we experience challenges so that we can grow, and I try to remember that the Lord has a reason for everything he does. I also know that he wants the best for me, and this desire of his guides all of his actions. However, I've never been a very patient person, and something I also know is that sometimes, we don't get an answer to either question just when we ask it. I'm not trying to say that I'm the only one who has ever faced trials, but sometimes I feel like I've been handed quite a few so far in life, some that I feel no one should have to go through, especially at the ages I did. To this day, I still don't know all the reasons why my heart has been tried so many times. Or why just when I think things are getting better, something else seems to happen that knocks me right back down again. I KNOW that I am loved by my Father in Heaven, but sometimes I really wish I could see and understand his purposes. Sometimes I really just want to shake my fist at the heavens and ask him why, in the most demanding voice I have. In fact, I've done something of the equivalent before. And the Lord doesn't leave you comfortless. I've felt his love surround me on days where I thought I couldn't handle anymore. However, I've rarely gotten the answer I sought.

And this is where patience comes in. Perhaps half the lesson I'm supposed to learn is how to be a more patience person. A lot of the time I also feel like adding after my question, "and I'd like that answer now please." But God doesn't work that way. From where I'm standing right now, I can't see the destination the Lord is guiding me too. But if I could see what he has in store for me, wouldn't that make the journey much easier, because I would know for certain that it would be worth it. If that was the case, would I learn everything he wants me to learn? Everything I need to learn? Probably not.

So in the end, although I still want that answer now, I try to trust the Lord. I try to understand that he won't give me more than I can handle, even though it may seem like it at times. I try to rely on the Lord for help when I feel like I can't take another step. And I wait, with faith that one day the Lord will finally say, "Okay Lydia, today is the day, you can have that answer now."