Thursday, April 10, 2014

I got a job!

That's right, I finally got a job! And I am so excited!

However, because it is full time 8-5, it means my life just got a LOT busier, so I need your help! I need to come up with dinners that I can either fix in advance, or fix really fast once I get home from work (or have Jacob fix once he gets home). I'm sure some of you have some awesome recipes to help me out. And I really hope that this time my request for recipes actually reaps some rewards. Cause last time I didn't get any! But, I love you guys and am sure you will make up for it by sending me lots of recipes this time, right?

I also just want to say thank you! I know so many of you have been praying for me as I've job searched and interviewed, etc. I'm sure those prayers are part of the reason I finally found a job. And not just any job, but a job that will actually use the skills I spent 4yrs of school gaining, and for a pretty great company that I think will be a good fit for me. So thank you again! I know my life is blessed in so many ways by all of you!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Handprints on my Heart

This is a post I've actually been thinking about writing for a while, but I keep putting it off because I'm not sure how to put my thoughts and feelings into words. But, it just keeps coming to mind, so I figured, I might as well try.

When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the type of person who had that one group of best friends, who they were best friends with for their entire life. In fact, I was absolutely sure that was going to be me and my friends. But then it wasn't. We were still friends, but over time we drifted apart and didn't spend as much time together. So, I made a new group friends and I told myself; this is it, this time we'll be best friends forever. But once again time went by, we changed, and grew apart. And the cycle has repeated itself numerous times. For a long time this bothered me, and some times I even wondered if there was something wrong with me, that I couldn't keep a best friend for more than a few years. However, as I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've realized that what was happening was simply life. Not everyone is going to have one group of friends for their entire life, no matter what TV shows or movies may say.

I've also realized that what this means for me is that I have been blessed with many, many best friends over the years. And I would not be who I am today without each and every one of them. It also means that I am still blessed with many good friends. Sure, there are some of my friends who aren't a part of my life at all anymore, who I've completely lost touch with. But, for the most part, I can still say that I'm friends with most of them. Even if most of our contact is on facebook, I still love keeping track of how they're doing, and I know that if I ever really needed them, they'd be there for me.

So, one of the main reasons I am writing this post is to say thank you. I know that not all of the people I'm writing this post for are actually going to see it, but nevertheless, I need to express my gratitude. From my first friends in elementary school, to my high school friends, and college roommates, each of them has played a huge part in who I am today. And I have so many fantastic memories! There is a song from the musical Wicked that I absolutely love called "For Good" (you can listen to it here if you'd like) but I feel like it expressed a lot of what I feel about all of my past friendships. Part of me just wants to copy all of the lyrics right here for you, but that may be a bit excessive. So I'll just share a couple of lines that stick out to me:

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are lead to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

I do know that it's true, that each person who has played a part in my life was placed there for a reason. Another part that stick out to me says;

And just to clear the air
I ask forgiveness
For the things I've done,
You blamed me for.

That's something else that I've felt a lot of lately. One of the hardest lessons I've had to learn about myself in the past couple years is that I have a rather selfish streak to me. It's something I've been working hard to change, but I still have a long way to go. For a long time, when my friendships would drift apart, I'd blame it on the other person, or the other people, but now I know it was just as much my fault or my responsibility. And so, here and now I am apologizing for anything I ever did, or perhaps didn't do, that may have damaged one of my friendships. I think for a long time I was very focused on me and the difficult things I was going through. And perhaps I wasn't always the easiest person to love, but for the most part, you guys loved me anyway. And I will forever be grateful for that.

And finally, I want to take the opportunity to say that if you ever need me, I'm here. I may not always be the best at showing it, but I care very much for each and every one of you. I think perhaps if people knew how much I cared and how much I love hearing about how they're doing even years after we've been very close, they might think it was weird. But, I spend a lot of time alone these days, and I have a lot of time to think. And you'd be surprised how much of my time I spend thinking about all my friends and the wonderful times we had. I think I almost value my past friendships more now than I did when I was in them.

So I guess what this really comes down to is: I love you guys, and I am so grateful for each of you in my life. Thank you for making me who I am today.


Sunday, January 5, 2014

Looking for Tasty Recipes

Happy New Years friends and family! Jacob and I are doing well and had a good Christmas and New Years. I was also able to spend a wonderful week in December with Sarah (my sister) and her family in Washington. It was wonderful to finally meet my newest adorable niece Autumn and spend time having fun with her big sisters Evelyn and Leah. Perhaps I'll get around to a blog post about it with some pictures, but for now just know that I had a wonderful time. I cherished the laughter and hugs and random "I love you"s from Evelyn and Leah, and the snuggles I got from Autumn. And just as good were the evenings after the girls got to bed and Sarah and I were so tired we'd end up giggling about the silliest things. It was also great to spend time with Matt, though I didn't see him as much I would have liked because they kept calling him into work. I am also extremely grateful to Jacob for letting me leave him for a week, I missed him a lot and it was nice to get back home to him at the end of the week.

So, with that small update let me move on to the real reason for this post: one of my New Year's goals. I really want to broaden the number of recipes I make and am familiar with, so this year one of my goals is to learn at least one new recipe every month. And, because Jacob and I are both trying to lose weight, I am specifically looking for healthy recipes we can both enjoy. This is where you guys come in. If you have a recipe you just love (whether it's healthy or not) I would love to get it from you in a comment or in an e-mail (if you don't have my e-mail and want it, let me know in a comment and I'll get it to you). I know so many of you are wonderful cooks and have stores of tasty recipes, so I'd love to have any of them you're willing to share!

Hopefully I'll be better at writing on this here blog in 2014 than I was in 2013, but until my next post know that I love you all, and that I am so grateful for all of you and the many other blessings I have been given. As you've seen from previous posts I've spent quite a while struggling with feeling unhappy with my life, but lately I've realized that even if my life isn't perfect, it IS good. And I have so much to be grateful for! (Including the delicious recipes I'm sure you're all going to share with me.)

P.S. perhaps if I get enough tasty recipes, I'll share a couple of our favorites with you in return in my next post. Nothing like bribery to get what you want, right.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

My thoughts on some current controversies

Let me preface this post with a warning that I will be addressing a couple of political/religious topics that I’ve seen discussed lately. I am not writing this post in an attempt to make everyone think the way I do, to pass judgment, or to start a debate. I am writing this post mostly for my own sake. I do not often take part in these types of discussion or post my opinions/views, but I’ve decided I want to at this point, because I am not ashamed of what I believe and who I am. I have not read everything out there on any of these topics, and I do not claim to be an expert who knows everything, these are simply my beliefs and my feelings. If you wish to comment with your own thoughts feel free to do so, but I am not likely to respond to them, especially if I feel doing so would start an argument or debate. I will note that this post is quite long, and I do not want any of my friends or family members to feel like I will be hurt if they do not read all, or even any of this post. Once again, I am mostly posting this for my own benefit, to know that I have done so and have clearly stated where I stand on these issues. That being said, here I go.

I’m going to start with what is probably the topic I’ve seen the most discussion about: same-sex marriage. (And I once again repeat, I am not trying to tell other they have to see things the way I do)I believe that homosexuality goes against our nature as God’s divine children, especially when acted upon. That being said, I am against same-sex marriage. I believe that it will eventually prove to have negative effects on society as a whole. As a member of the LDS or Mormon Church, my opinion on this topic is largely influenced by what my church leaders have said on this topic. In 1995 Gordon B. Hinckley (then president and prophet of the church) along with the rest of the First Presidency and the Twelve Apostles, issued “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” I will be quoting parts of the proclamation, but you can find the whole text here. I believe the Proclamation on the Family is pretty clear on where the church stands on this matter. It starts by saying, “We . . . solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” and later continues with “we further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.” And then, a couple paragraphs before the end there are two sentences that are the best summation of my opinion and the reasons behind them, “The Family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity” (emphasis mine). The Proclamation ends by calling upon “responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.” Since this statement was issued, many church leaders have reiterated the meaning and sentiment of the Proclamation, making it clear that their opinion on the matter has not changed. Just because my opinions and beliefs are based on and coincide with those of my church leaders, I do not think this means my opinion is uneducated, naïve, or old-fashioned. I do not listen to them blindly, but have a personal testimony that what they say on this matter is true. Now, what I am going to say next may very well upset some people or lead them to try and debate with me, but this is my blog and I want to state my opinion here. About the recent discussion and votes on same-sex marriage. There seems to be the feeling that I don’t really have a reason or a place to be against it because whether some random homosexual couple gets married won’t affect me. Let me ask you how it affects me for some random guy somewhere to be allowed to smoke marijuana? I can’t really think of anything. But, I would vote against legalizing marijuana because I think it would have negative effects on society. I would vote against same-sex marriage for the exact same reason. I believe it would have negative effects on society. You can see the Church’s opinion on the matter here, where it also states that “The Church’s affirmation of marriage as being between a man and a woman ‘neither constitutes nor condones any kind of hostility toward gays and lesbians.’ On the contrary, many Church leaders have spoken clearly about the love and respect with which all people are to be treated.” And that “The Church has advocated for rights for same-sex couples regarding “hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights, so long as these do not infringe on the integrity of the traditional family or the constitutional rights of churches.”

Second topic of discussion: abortion. I haven’t seen as much discussion on this topic, probably because most of the people I know would agree with my opinion on this matter. But regardless, with the trial of Dr. Kermit Gosnell going on, it has come up. (I haven’t read much on the case, but if you don’t know what it is, here is a short article with some information). Once again, my opinions on this matter coincide with those of my church leaders. You can find the official policy of the church on abortion here, but the gist of it is that “Human life is a sacred gift from God. Elective abortion for personal or social convenience is contrary to the will and the commandments of God. . . . Church leaders have said that some exceptional circumstances may justify an abortion, such as when pregnancy is the result of incest or rape, when the life or health of the mother is judged by competent medical authority to be in serious jeopardy, or when the fetus is known by competent medical authority to have severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth. But even these circumstances do not automatically justify an abortion.” I don’t really think I can be any more straight forward than that, so that’s all I feel I need to say on this topic.

On to the third topic: Women in the Church. This one isn’t really a huge deal, but when I hear others say they feel like women are somehow inferior in the LDS church…I seriously have to wonder how they feel that way. First of all, they make a big deal about things that seem silly to me, like wearing pants to church, or a sister saying the prayer in Conference. Nobody makes you wear a dress or skirt to church! We are asked to do so out of respect for our Father in Heaven and his house. I’m sure if you ask the men, they might be happier wearing jean and a t-shirt too, or at least going without a tie, but they wear their white shirt and tie and dress pants because it’s what they’ve been asked to do to show respect for our Father. As for the prayer in this last Conference session; I suppose that was kind of cool. . . but people, sisters have been speaking in Conference years! Isn’t that more important as a sign that women are appreciated and respected in our church? In one news article about the prayer I read this, “For most of the LDS Church’s history, its General Conferences have ‘tended to be pretty much male-oriented meetings,’ said Andrea-Radke Moss, a historian at church-owned Brigham Young University-Idaho, ‘simply because the [Mormon women’s] Relief Society had carved out its own autonomous space for female discourse, prayer, etc., at their own conferences.’” That being said, it actually makes me feel sad when women in the church feel unappreciated or inferior, because they are somehow missing out on so many beautiful and empowering statements from church leaders about the importance of women in the church. If you ever doubt how valued you are in the LDS church, please see the church’s page on Women in the Church which can be found here. There you will find links to just a few of the talks from church leaders stating their feelings about women in the church. In those talks they say things like, “LDS women are incredible!”, “How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives” and “As we look at the history of this earth and at the history of the restored Church of Jesus Christ, it becomes obvious that women hold a special place in our Father’s plan for the eternal happiness and well-being of His children. I hope that my dear sisters throughout the world—grandmothers, mothers, aunts, and friends—never underestimate the power of their influence for good, especially in the lives of our precious children and youth!” As a woman in the church I recognize that just because I cannot hold the Priesthood, I am not inferior. I have access to all the blessings of the priesthood in my life, but beyond that I have the divine responsibility and ability to bring our Heavenly Father’s children to this earth, to raise them and nurture them. Without me and the other women the Father’s sacred plan would not operate.

Finally, I’d like to address the whole tolerance, acceptance, compassion, hate mix that comes up lately when there are arguments or discussion about any of the above topics and many others. There has been a great quote floating around the internet lately that says “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” This quote pretty much gives my opinion on this matter, but I’d like to include some of my own thoughts and examples that I think apply. First of all, if that first statement were true it would mean that I was afraid of or hated everyone who drank, got tattoos, had sex outside of marriage, used swear words, thought reading was stupid, abused the welfare system, used drugs, and any other number of people. And that, frankly, is ridiculous! Now then, let’s get less general here. I have a number of extended family members who do some of these things, and I don’t fear or hate them. In fact, I love them! I can get even more specific. One of my best friends growing up moved to another state just before high school, and then decided to let us know that he was “gay” (I don’t really like using that term, but it’ll do). At the time, I didn’t really know how to react and combined with the fact that he lived in a different state, we grew apart. We are facebook friends, but we hardly ever talk. Yet, I can honestly say I still love and care about him. He may not have any idea how much, because I still make it clear that I don’t support his lifestyle decision, but I do. Every time he has posted about graduating, or getting a new job, or finding a great new apartment, it makes me happy to hear about his happiness and success. For those who feel like if you love someone means you have to support everything they believe and do, let me ask if parents should allow their children to do drugs or drop out of school? Or from another personal example of mine; when I was in college one of my best friends started dating a guy who I thought was not a good influence on her, or good for her in general. I made it clear that was how I felt, and I kept making that clear even when it started to cause problems in our friendship. I didn’t do this because I didn’t like seeing her happy, or because I didn’t love her. In fact I did it because I did love her; I loved her enough to put our friendship in danger because I wanted to protect her from something I thought would be harmful for her.

Some people may use the situation of Christ and the women taken in adultery to state that we are not being tolerant enough as Christians. They quote his saying, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” However, I don’t think this argument is really that valid. First of all, let me point out that I am not saying we should stone/kill those who choose a different lifestyle then me. Second, as a member of the LDS church I believe in the Joseph Smith Translation of the Bible, which changes Mathew 7:1 from “Judge not, that ye be not judged” to “Judge not unrighteously, that ye be not judged: but judge righteous judgment.” Christ does not teach that we can never judge when others are sinning or acting badly, only that we must be sure we do not do so unrighteously. Or as President Packer put is so well this last Conference, “Alma taught that ‘the Lord cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance.’ In order to understand this, we must separate the sin from the sinner. For example, when they brought before the Savior a woman taken in adultery, obviously guilty, He dismissed the case with five words: ‘Go, and sin no more.’ That is the spirit of His ministry. Tolerance is a virtue, but like all virtues, when exaggerated, it transforms itself into a vice. We need to be careful of the ‘tolerance trap’ so that we are not swallowed up in it. The permissiveness afforded by the weakening of the laws of the land to tolerate legalized acts of immorality does not reduce the serious spiritual consequence that is the result of the violation of God’s law of chastity.” (You can find his talk in its entirety here)

In conclusion I would like once again to state that these are my beliefs and feelings, and I know they may not all be stated in the most elegant fashion. If you feel there are flaws in what I have said, you are free to feel that way. And once again I repeat that I do not mean to demean any who disagree with me, I do not intend to force you all to my side of these issues, and I do not wish to start any debates or arguments. This is simply a statement of my belief and feelings. I know I am not perfect, and I try every day to be a better person. I cannot say I have been perfect in the way I have addressed these matters now or in the past, and I strive to follow my leader’s counsel to “more loving and compassionate” as I discuss these issues and interact with those who disagree with me. I hope that we can all do the same, no matter how we feel about these matters.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Lately.....

My mom and my sister have been bugging me to write on this here blog, and I know it’s been a while. I keep telling them I have nothing to write about, but that’s only kind of true. The truth is, I’ve been avoiding it. I’ve been avoiding it because I don’t want to let you all know that I’m still without a job, still don’t have kids, and basically still doing nothing with my life. I know that everybody who reads this blog cares about me and supports me, but when I view myself as a failure it’s hard not to imagine you all doing the same. I know I could write about our sweet new apartment or our lovely new car, but my excitement over those didn’t last for very long. It’s hard to get excited about much when I spend most of my days trying to ignore how boring and pointless my day is. That being said, don’t expect much from this post except me trying to explain how I’ve been feeling lately and why I haven’t been writing here.

In April it will be two years since I graduated from BYU, and remembering that usually makes me feel like crying or throwing something across the room. It’s hard to look back at the last two years and know I have nothing to show for them. It’s harder to know that it’s partially my fault. And honestly it’s even harder to truly admit that to myself instead of making stupid excuses. It’s true that part of the reason I didn’t work as hard to find a full time job early on is because I wanted the focus in our lives to be finding Jacob a good full time. It’s also true that now is the not the best time to be looking for an entry-level job in most industries, but especially as an editor/writer. And it’s also understandable that I didn’t want to find some minimum wage job after spending 4 yrs of hard work to get a college degree. And it’s not as if I wasn’t applying to any jobs. However, the truth that I’ve been facing lately is that I got discouraged, and I got lazy, and so I stopped working as hard as I could have to find a job. And so I’m still without a job, and every time I have to acknowledge that or tell someone that, it feels like someone is slapping me in the face with a sign telling me just how much of a failure I am. The worst part is how this is affecting the rest of my life.

I feel extremely lonely. Most of the time the only person I interact with on a given day is Jacob, So you’d think that seeing and talking to other people was extremely exciting to me. And it is, but at the same time I absolutely dread it. I dread having people ask me how I’m doing, or what I’ve been up, or whether I’ve found a job yet, because I know my answers probably just make them feel bad for me, or perhaps even disappointed in me. I even hate it when people say it must be nice to have free time. Because for me, it’s not. It’s torture. I have had so much free time that sometimes I feel like I can’t stand one more minute of TV, or facebook stalking, or playing a game on my computer. Sometimes, I even feel like I couldn’t stand reading another chapter of my latest book. I think one of the only reasons I still enjoy reading for the most part is simply because reading is part of who I am, it’s habit.
Anyway, I could go on for a really long time about how down I’ve been feeling lately, but the truth is you don’t want to read that. And I should probably try not to dwell on it. One of the reasons things have been so hard for me is because I know I could have been doing better than I have been. It’s not just that I haven’t worked as hard on finding a job, but that I haven’t even used my time to become closer to my Father in Heaven, to serve others, to become a better wife, or daughter, or sister. I haven’t even done any crafting lately. I think at some point I just told myself to stop caring because caring hurt, and I told myself I was okay with spending my days watching TV shows on Netflix and playing pointless games. But when I let myself actually think about my life, I have to admit not only am I tired of it, but I’m disgusted with it. I know I can do more and be better, and I know that even it may be hard to get myself out of my rut, it will be worth it. So, I’m going to make some goals for myself and share some of them with you.

1.I need to improve my relationship with my Father in Heaven. I am so grateful for the foundation of faith and testimony I’ve built for myself during the times when I was doing really well spiritually, because it has helped me now. I know one of the reasons things haven’t been easier for me is because I have gotten out of the habit of daily scripture study and prayer. I have no excuse for this because I have all the time in the world to fit those in to my schedule, but for some reason I haven’t been making time for those essential things. But I still know the Lord loves me. I look at myself and see a failure, but I know He doesn’t. I KNOW that He loves me, and I owe him more than I’ve been giving him. So, I plan to get back on track with my daily scripture study and prayer, and also to be better at attending the temple. From time to time I may share some of the things I’ve learned in my studies with you on this blog.

2.I need to get back on track with eating healthy and exercising. I was doing so good for a while and I was losing weight, but then I allowed myself to get out of the habit. Obviously I am doing this for myself, but I am also doing it for our future family. Back in the fall I was feeling so impatient to start our family and have our first kid, but lately whenever I think about I just feel terrified. That didn’t make sense to me, so I spent time thinking about what the difference might be, and I realized the only difference that makes sense is that I am not trying as hard to be healthy as I was. Because I am overweight I have worried about how that might affect me when I do get pregnant, and Jacob is ridiculously paranoid about it. So, I came to the conclusion that as long I am trying my best to be healthy, the Lord will take care of me when I do get pregnant, but if I’m not doing my part I can’t expect anything from him. So once again I’m asking you guys to help me accountable about being healthy.

3.I want to actually use all those craft supplies I’ve accumulated. (I had like 5 or 6 boxes worth when we moved) My first goal is to get some curtains up in our apartment. We’re in a basement apartment and it’s really not fun looking out on window wells. We bought some already made curtains that I just need to cut/sew to size for our windows(none of the ones at the store were the right size) so it’s not even that big of a project, so expect a post with some pictures of those here soon(I just need to find the supplies I need first)

4.I want to find a way to serve others. This is a hard one for me because I am actually painfully shy in some ways(I know this surprises some of you, but it’s true) and so I will have to work on that, but for now I want to try and get back in the habit of doing indexing at least once a week.

So, those are just a few of my goals to start with. I’m sorry for the parts of this blog entry that consisted of me complaining and venting and being depressing, and I am thankful for the love and support I’ve had from so many of you. I’ll try and better at blogging in the future, so keep an eye out for that. And more specifically keep an eye out in the next week or so for an entry about some of the books/authors I’ve discovered lately.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Weight Update

So...it's Wednesday. Which means I weighed in this morning. And.....I'm down 2.8 pounds! Woohoo! Also, the topic of discussion today was beverages and how to find low point ones, etc. And can I just say that I am so glad I live the Word of Wisdom? They spent a good deal of the time talking about healthier/lower calorie coffee or alcoholic drinks. And I thought...I never have to worry about that! I don't feel a need or a desire for either, so I get to spend all the points on something besides a daily coffee or cup of wine. Just another reason the Word of Wisdom is awesome!

And that's it folks.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

More on My Weight Loss Journey

Okay friends, I know I have already shared some of my weight loss goals/journey with you, but I've decided to open myself up to you even further. Weight Watchers is working for me, but I had a couple of weeks where I stopped trying as hard, and even not counting those weeks, the weight loss isn't happening quite as fast as I want. I understand that if you want the weight to stay off, you have to lose it as a healthy weight. But I would love to be losing 2lb a week (WW recommends .5-2 a week) every week, instead of the .8 here or 1.6 there that I've been losing. Any loss is great, but I want to push myself a little harder.

Which is in part, where you come in. I don't know the people at my meeting, and none of them really know what weight I started at and what my goal(s) are. But I do know you, and I want you to know what my goals are so that I can be held accountable by the people I know really care about me. So, starting this week, there will be another page on this blog titled "My Weight Loss" where I will keep track of how much I've lost and what goals I am working towards. I don't know what all will end up there, but I want somewhere to keep track of these things where I won't be the only person to ever see it. I used to think by doing this I might open myself up to judgment. But the truth is, most of you won't be judging me for my highest weight, or if I have a bad week. Instead you'll just be cheering me on and motivating me to reach my goals, and I've decided I need that. Plus, I've realized that I can let go of my shame about being overweight, because guess what, I am working HARD to change that. And the fact that I finally admitted that something needed to be done and starting actually doing it...that is something I have every right to be really proud of. I am still really self-conscious about my weight. The thought of you all knowing what my starting weigh at weight watchers was is an unpleasant one to me, but I feel like it can help me to never get back to that point again.

Another way I'm motivating myself to do better is to challenge myself. I know I already set one goal for the summer, to reach my 10% goal by labor day. Sadly, I don't think I'll be reaching that goal (we'll see, I might, but it's doubtful) and I don’t want that failure to hold me back or keep me from making new goals. So I've already picked a new goal to start working on. I want to be at or below 200 pounds by my birthday, November 30. I have about 27 pounds to go to reach that point, and just over 16 weeks to do it in. That means I will need to be losing an average of 1.69 pounds a week. It won't be easy, but I really believe I can do it. Especially if you will all support me and push me to reach this goal. It was really hard on my self-esteem when I reached 200 in my weight gain, but it wasn't enough to make me finally change how I was living. I'm hoping that when I reach it going in the other direction, it will be a great boost of confidence to keep me going in the right direction.

Thank you so much for the support you've already offered me as I've worked to improve my life in this manner, and thank you in advance for the support I know you'll continue to offer.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Shop and Weight Loss Update

So, this update is mainly to let you know there are 20 new items in my shop! So click on that little link at the top my page and go check it out!

Second, for those of you who are interested my weight loss is still going well. I met my 5% goal the week after my latest update, and to date I've lost 14.6 pounds. I've still got a long way to go, but I have already fit back into a couple of shirts and some pants that didn't fit me when I joined Weight Watchers. I'm a little anxious about my weigh-in this week because I haven't been as good about not giving into my cravings for food or in going to the gym as much as I should, but even if my weight doesn't go down, I know that I can start fresh for the next week. It's a great feeling to know that I am sticking to my goal and actually succeeding!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Short Little Post

Hey friends. This is just going to be short little post asking any of you who may not have checked out my crafting blog/shop yet to think about doing so now. Even you non-female readers who may be out there should look into it, cause I'm sure you all have women in your life who wouldn't turn down some new jewelry. I'm bringing it up again now because of two reason, I currently have a coupon code available for 25% off anything in my shop that can only be found by reading that blog, and because I've just asked my readers over there a favor, and the more possible people I get responding to it, the better. :) Also, you can now find a convenient little link to them both in the header of this blog.

Also, for those of you wondering if I reached my 5% goal at my Weight Watchers weigh in this this week, the answer is, not quite. I lost 1.8 this past week instead of the 2 I wanted to, so now I'm just .2 away and I expect to lose at least that much by my weigh in next week. Thanks to all of you for your support and encouragement as I work to make myself healthier and happier.


P.S. Kaitlin Farmer, the word convenient almost always makes me think of you. :)

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Down 10 Pounds!

So, today is Wednesday, which for me means a Weight Watchers meeting complete with my weekly "weigh-in." Of course, I pretty always wish I lost more than I do in a given week, which was the case today, but I was still down 1.6 pounds, which is pretty awesome considering they say you shouldn't lose more than 2 a week anyway. Well, that 1.6 pounds put my total weight loss since my first meeting at exactly 10 pounds! Woohoo! Today was my 7th meeting, meaning I've lost that over a 6 week period, or an average of 1.67 a week. Which actually makes me pretty excited, because it means I'm on the right track to meet my 10% goal by Labor Day. Speaking of goals, this also means that I only have 2 lbs to go before I meet my 5% goal. So, keep your fingers crossed for me and maybe I'll meet that goal next Wednesday! It's definitely great motivation to work really hard this week. And perhaps once of the best parts is, I really don't feel deprived of eating what I enjoy, even though I know I'm making positive changes to my diet. I just eat less of the really unhealthy stuff, and I've learned to really savor it when I let myself have it.

I'm also really enjoying going to our rec center and working out, which isn't really something I think I would have ever said before. But it's true! Jacob and I joke that I am becoming a "gym junkie" because I pretty much want to go every day, whether Jacob wants to come with me or not, I also generally want to stay longer than him when he does come, and sometimes I even want to go two times a day! I'm not saying I haven't been sore or in pain at all, but I actually enjoy knowing that I'm sore because I'm finally trying to exercise regularly. The last few days I've gone I've had a great hour long workout spending 20 minutes each on a treadmill, stationary bike, and treadmill. And I am tired by the time that I get on that last machine, but I just feel so good about it! And the best thing is, even though I don't really look or feel any skinnier yet, I can already tell that I'm healthier just from the two or three weeks I've been going. I am slowly increasing my speed on the treadmill, and my heart rate has been slowly decreasing from where it was hitting the first few days. It's really helped to have my ipod with me, and about a week ago I had the genius idea to take my kindle with me and prop it up on the little stands they have for magazines on each machine. It's been fantastic! And luckily, it will also be a great way to get me to read some classic literature, since I already have a whole bunch of classics on my kindle that didn't cost me a thing.

Also....I've pretty much secretly decided I want to try a 5k towards the end of summer. I know I won't be able to really run it, but even now I can walk an 18 minute mile on the treadmill. I tried upping my power walk to a jog today, and sadly I still weigh too much for the joints, etc in my legs to be able to handle that for very long quite yet, but hopefully that will change soon. And, Jacob and I are thinking we might actually go backpacking in the Windrivers with some of my family this year. A couple of my uncles are taking their oldest kids, so they're doing a shorter 6 mile hike, and I actually am starting to believe I could handle that, even with a 40 pound pack on my back. :)

I guess what this all really comes down to is that I am really enjoying my weight loss journey so far. I think I finally hit that point where I was so disgusted with my weight that it was enough motivation to finally do this for me and to be willing to spend the money to make it happen. I've also had a lot of really great examples in my family lately of people working hard to lose their extra weight, and I owe a lot of you my gratitude for being examples to me. I hope this weight loss update didn't bore any of you, because you can totally expect more.


P.S. Thank you to Aubrey for being the ONLY person who commented on my shop/crafting blog when asked for suggestions of what you guys want to see in my shop. If the rest of you love me at all, you might want to consider proving it by following her example. Here's a convenient link for you --> Lydia's Craft Blog

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

The Update on everything Lydia post

Hey folks, it's been a while, so here I am to update you on everything important (and maybe not so important) in my life.

First off, still no jobs. In fact, we're even worse off in that department now because Jacob's boss retires in July, so that job will be gone. Sad day. Obviously that's still really frustrating and discouraging. I did have one interview for a job that I would have loved to get, but then I never heard back from the person I interviewed with. Even after I e-mailed and asked them if the position was still open, etc! It is so rude in my opinion when people won't even both to send you an quick e-mail saying, "sorry, we decided to go with someone else," especially when they have an e-mail from me they can just reply to! Grrr! So yep, that situation is still frustrating and stressful, but I'm trying harder not to let it get to me.

Second....Jacob and I celebrated our two year anniversary by spending a night in the hotel we stayed in the day we got married. Sure, it was just one night, and it's just in Layton (since we did our reception the next day) but it was still fun to just get out for a night. We stopped by City Creek center before heading up north and then spent some time in the Layton Mall as well. We also tried a Thai restaurant in Layton. I can't even remember what it's called, but it's on the corner of Antelope and Hill Field Rd. I think. Well...we weren't really impressed. Their Pad Siew (or however they spelled it) was just okay, and their Massamaun was waaaay to spicy for me(I'm a wimp) even though we ordered it mild. The one thing that was exceptionally good though was their version of wantons, which they called golden bags or something like that. They were DELICIOUS! If I were ever going to let myself make an entire meal of wantons, that is where I would go.

But, I won't be doing that any time soon because I joined Weight Watchers! A lot of you reading this probably already know that, but for those of you who don't, there's the info! I just attended my fifth weekly meeting and so far I've lost a total of 6.4 lbs. My progress has been a little slower than I like, especially last week when I stayed exactly the same weight, but I'm still progressing and haven't gained any weight in those five weeks. Today at our meeting we were all encouraged to make a summer goal, and I decided mine would be to meet my 10% goal. Meaning by Labor day I want to have lost 10 percent of what I weighed on my first day. I've got 17.6 lbs to go, which will require me to lose an average of 1.25lbs a week, but I really think I can do it, especially because I've told all of you, so now I'm extra accountable! So, in the future expect updates on my weight loss progress, and possibly some good workouts or recipes I find as well.

To help me with my weight loss, and Jacob's as well, we recently purchased 3 month memberships to the Rec Center near us. It's a really nice Center, and the passes weren't cheap, so we're determined to make it worth the expense. We went to work out for the first time last night, and I felt so out of shape! I of course wanted to try the pool out first, but I could barely handle 15 minutes of laps before I was ready to get out and check out the cardio room. Pretty sad when you consider that I used to have practice for two hours after school every day when I did Swim Team the first couple years of high school. But, if I just keep doing as much as I'm capable maybe eventually I'll be able to handle two hours again. (though I doubt I'd ever swim for two hours straight these days) However, even though I was shown just how out of shape I am, it was still a great feeling when we walked out knowing that I'm doing something about it. We're planning on heading back tonight to work out some more.

What else.....
My cousin/best friend Brian got married last week! I'm so happy for him and Alisa, they're both great people and I know they'll be happy together. And I couldn't help but approve of Alisa when it became obvious that she knows just how great of a guy she found. :) Also, I've had an eye infection for the last week or so....and I'm really missing wearing my contacts. The doctor put me on some antibiotic eye drops, so it's clearing up and hopefully will be 100% in the next day or two.

Finally, my big announcement! (No I'm not pregnant) I finally followed through on my idea to open up an etsy shop and crafting blog. They are both extremely new, so don't expect much yet, but please check them out!
You can find the blog here and the shop here. And for those of you curious about the name....I didn't really want to use my full name in my shop name, so I started thinking of my nicknames. Well, one of my cousins used to call me Dia, when he was really little and couldn't pronounce my whole name, and it's always kind of been one of my favorite nicknames even though it's hardly been used. Then, I also realized that dia is the Spanish word for day. So, with a double meaning, I couldn't resist using it! So you can adorn yourself for the day with accessories created by me! heehee. I'm so clever. Anyway, most of you reading this are family and friends and are probably willing to support me in this venture anyway, but please, check it out! And even if you don't buy anything, feel free to share ideas and suggestions. I'll happily accept any support you're willing to give. And for sure feel free to tell your family and friends about my shop.

And that's the update on everything Lydia...or at least all the big things. Hope life is treating you all well!

Monday, March 26, 2012

My Life? Not so fond of it lately

So I know I keep promising that I'll post more, but the truth is I'm not sure you want me to, because then I might just end up complaining all the time, and nobody wants to read that.

Lately I feel frustrated and restless ALL THE TIME! My life in general is extremely frustrating to me. I still haven't found a job, and Jacob hasn't found a full-time job so we are still in his parents house. And I'm not even sure how much longer we can be here, with the weather getting warm again Jacob's parents are wanting to get back on track on getting the house fixed up to sell. Either way, I feel like my life is limbo right now. I can't really do much to decorate this house and make it really feel like home because we'll be painting soon(I've been thinking it was going to happen soon since we moved in, so I never did get around to decorating before now) and they might be having the kitchen and bathroom redone. I sit at home all day not really doing anything. I know everybody says looking for a job should be your full-time job when you need one, but honestly, I can only look for so long, especially when I find nothing and get really discouraged. Jacob is gone half the time, so not only do I feel really bored and useless, but extremely lonely. And because I can't find a job, I feel like a failure, like the 4 years I spent at BYU working my butt off and paying lots of money were worthless and I shouldn't have bothered. And on top of all that, for last little while it's been really hard for me to ignore just how badly I'm starting to want a baby. I want to start our family! And Jacob does too, but we both feel like right now is not the right time since we don't have a place of our own or a good income. So, for now I continue to wait, and every time I see a cute baby or toddler (and there are many in our ward every sunday) it tortures me just a little bit that I don't have one of my own. And also, my attempts to be healthier and lost weight aren't going as well as I'd like (I need more will power), even when I do well with exercise and eating better, the weight loss is minimal which makes me feel like it's not worth it!

With life being so frustrating in general, the smallest things can set me off into a pretty much full on melt-down of some kind. (for example, ask Jacob about my throwing our plastic cups around the kitchen when our stupid dishwasher failed to work properly even after my cleaning cycles of baking soda and vinegar) Most days I kind of just wish I could sleep all day long and not have to deal with it. (Instead I end up doing a lot of reading to avoid thinking about my own life) So, depressing, right? I knew you wouldn't want to hear it, and that's about all I have to say lately, hence the lack of posts. And perhaps most depressing of all is that it's getting rather hard to keep hoping that things will get any better, seeing as I graduated almost a year ago and have been in this same lousy boat since then.

There are a few things I can be grateful for thought. Mainly Jacob, and his loving patience with me and my pretty much constant depressed/frustrated state that I take out on him more than I should. In fact, he loves me so much he went and saw the Hunger Games with me, even though he wasn't really interested. Also, he agreed that we should buy MarioKart for our 64(mainly at my bidding so we'd have a game we could actually play together, which he continues to do when I ask even though I tend to beat him about 80-90% of the time)Also, the weather is finally getting warmer! which has been wonderful and has helped me cheer up a bit. And as I mentioned, I have been getting a lot of reading done, which has been great. (I know I keep promising book reviews on here, but seriously, you should all just get goodreads, because I keep track of everything I read on there, and even if I don't write an actual review, I do at least rate the books I read)

And on that note, I'll be done. I hope all of your lives are going better than mine, and if they're not, well, feel free to call and commiserate with me.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Tag, I'm it.

My friend Aubrey "tagged" me in one of those fun little blog games that goes around so I decided to play along. Here's how it goes.

1. Post these rules
2. Post a photo of yourself and 11 random things.
3. Answer the questions set for you in the original post.
4. Create 11 new questions and tag people to answer them.
5. Go to their blog/twitter and tell them you've tagged them.


(This is my favorite picture from my bridals, and I don't have many of just me that are any newer, so it is a couple years old, but I don't look that different)

11 Things About Me
1. I really hate cold leftovers, like it disgusts me just to dish them up and get them in the microwave, especially if I have to touch them at all. It's just gross.
2. I've never broken a bone, and the only place I've ever had stitches was in my mouth(for wisdom teeth and when I had my frenulum labii superioris trimmed when I was younger)
3. I absolutely love board games. So much so that growing up when nobody wanted to play with me, I'd play Monopoly with myself. Now I do the same with Ticket to Ride when Jacob's not in the mood to play.
4. I love to do Jigsaw puzzles, in fact I spent a lot of summer days growing up doing puzzles and watching movies.
5. Speaking of movies, I have a really hard time just watching a movie or TV show, I have to be doing something else as well, hence the jigsaw puzzles in number 4.
6. I have a really hard time falling asleep without "sleepy" music because my dad always had some on around bedtime when I was growing up. Luckily Jacob is really understanding and lets me have music on at night, but when I had roommates, I had to use my ipod and headphones some nights.
7. I never had braces or a retainer, but I get cavities really easily, like you'd probably be disgusted if you knew how many I've had filled. I promise I brush my teeth!
8. I have strange dreams on a nightly basis, often more than one in a night, and I actually remember most of them too.
9. I may have majored in English Literature, but I'm not one of those "literary" stuck up types. I'd probably rather re-read the Twilight series than wade through a Thomas Hardy or Virginia Woolf novel.
10. When I was little girl I really hoped that I would have twins or even triplets when I grew up. I planned to name them things like, Rose, Rosy, and Rosamund. I've thought better of the names plan, but part of me still secretly thinks it would be cool to have twins.
11. I have a really hard time coming up with random facts about myself, you're lucky I thought of this many.

Aubrey's Questions for me
1. favorite beverage? wow this one is hard for me, but earlier this year I discovered that ginger ale mixed with the homemade grape juice Jacob's mom helped me make was AMAZING! I also really like sparkling cider, just the original apple flavor
2. what talent do you most want? I wish I was more artistic, I would love to be able to draw or paint.
3. dream vacation? Europe. I won't pick a specific country because once you're there it's pretty easy to travel between countries. http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
4. what piece of advice would you give your 10 year old self? hmmm, there's a lot of things I'd love to tell my ten year old self, but I guess one would be, read a little bit less, get out and be social and active a little bit more.
5. what time of your life do you most wish to go back to and why? The summer Jacob and I started dating. It was one of the happiest periods of my life simply because I told myself to just be happy and for once I actually listened.
6. what is the coolest thing you have found on Pinterest (with the link so we can see!)? I haven't been on Pinterest long and there are already so many cool things I've found it's hard to choose one. But I did find a picture of this really cool little item I'd love to have, you stick it on your finger and it helps keeps the pages of your book open.
7. worst fear? Honestly, I am always paranoid that I'm going to be kidnapped and or raped or something else like that.
8. best work out/pep song? There are way to many, I really can't pick just one, and it often depends on my mood as well.
9. biggest accomplishment? graduating with Honors from Brigham Young University (in 4 years mind you, no super senior here)
10. favorite children's book? This is also a hard one for me to answer (another random fact about myself, I actually hate it when people ask me to pick favorites because I just can't do it) but I have always loved "Love You Forever" by Robert Munsch
11. favorite holiday? Okay, so my family has our own little holiday was call "Thanksmas" which is the weekend after Thanksgiving when we'd put up all our Christmas decorations. That's probably my favorite. If I can't pick a holiday that doesn't "officially" exist then I'd probably have to say Christmas, but really I just love that holidays mean spending time with family.

My questions for Jillianne Jensen, Sarah Crooks, Kiera Beddes, and Erika Hirschi

1. What is your favorite book ever?
2. What is your dream vacation?
3. If you could live one day in the life of a fictional character, who would it be?
4. What is your favorite dessert? (Feel free to share a recipe)
5. What is your favorite restaurant and your favorite dish there?
6. What is one word you think best describes you and why?
7. What is your favorite TV show ever, and favorite current TV show (if you have one)
8. What do you love most about yourself?
9. Which Harry Potter character do you most identify with (if you don't like Harry Potter, pick another series like Lord of the Rings)
10. What is your favorite song?
11. What is your favorite board game?


Hope they all join the game, I'm excited to see their answers, and I hope this post helped you all learn a little bit more about me. And if any of you want to join the game and I didn't "tag" you, feel free to join in anyway! I'd love to see your answers too.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Woooozy

So, I finally made myself wake up around 11 this morning (late I know, but Jacob likes to keep late hours, and then he falls asleep first and SNORES-at least when he has a cold- and makes it really hard for me to fall asleep) and just lifting my head up a little bit made we feel woozy and light-headed! I stayed in bed for a bit, then I made myself go eat a clementine (and the last piece of the delicious brownies I made), hoping it would help, before I took a shower. Well, the food didn't really help. So I sat around in bed reading for a bit hoping more time would help. It didn't. So then I ate a full-sized lunch thinking IT would help. It did, a little bit. But still, if I move my head very much or very fast at all I start feeling disoriented. NOT COOL!


Anyway, I'm mainly writing this post because A. I'm bored. B. I feel like complaining about it, and C. To let you all know that while I can handle colds like nothing's wrong and after having the flu twice this year I'm not really fazed by throwing up anymore(it used to make me cry), it REALLY freaks me out when my body does weird things that I can't think of a reason for. Like, I start getting all paranoid that I've developed diabetes, or cancer, or my appendix is going to burst, or I have a tumor. Yeah, I know it's an overreaction, and I try to stay calm, but in my head the worrying just goes on and on.

I'm trying really hard not to get in full worried mode today, and it kind of helps that I feel pretty out of it...you should all wish you were here to see, it's probably entertaining. I just keep telling myself that when I wake up tomorrow morning I'll feel better, and hopefully I do.


In other news, or really more like in other Lydia's thoughts, I think I'm going to start doing a book review on a weekly basis, probably just sharing the book(s) I've read since the last post on books and telling you what I thought about them, and maybe letting you know about similar books I've read in the past that I would also recommend. So, just a heads up about that. I haven't decided what day of the week I want to do it on, but expect one soon!
And as a P.S. to that, I really think that any of you who read and who are always looking for something new to read, I really think you should get a Goodreads account if you don't have one already. It's probably one of my favorite websites ever. You can keep track of books you've read, books you're reading, and books you want to read. Plus you get to see what your friends are reading and what they think about it. So, check it out!! And then add me as a friend once you have an account.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Christmas Presents

So in my family we draw names for Christmas presents between the siblings and their spouses. This year Jacob and I drew Sarah and Sheridan. I was so excited because I knew immediately I wanted to make them some homemade presents. Necklaces are kind of the craft I'm most familiar with right now, so I decided I'd make them each a necklace. Then, I asked Sheridan what kind of gifts she wanted, and she said she'd love to have some holiday decor for their house. Now, I've been wanting more of that myself, but I've been looking for something I could switch out and re-use for multiple holidays, so I googled for tutorials and found these great ideas:


An interchangeable ornament frame at Today's Fabulous Finds


Interchangeable Letter Frames at All Things Heart and Home



and a sign or picture display at Just Beckause


After debating for a few days, I decided to go with option number one, but the frames I ended up buying were plastic, so I couldn't put the nails in the actual frame. At first i got super frustrated with myself for not realizing that, but with the help of Jacob and my mom I figured out how to make it work by putting the nails in the backing itself. This gave me the perfect opportunity to take advantage of the three frame piece that came with the frames and also make them option number two! I had some problems figuring out how to keep the alternate backing in place and ended up using some velcro, it's not a very pretty sight, but it'll do. Anyway, here's the end result(s)




And this is the necklace I made for Sarah. The picture of the entire necklace doesn't show the coloring of the beads very well, so that's what the closer pics are.




As for the necklace I made for Sheridan, I don't have any pics for you yet. As I mentioned, I got a new camera for Christmas, but by the time I opened it I had already wrapped the presents, and silly me, I forgot to take pictures after they opened them. Hopefully I can get some pictures of it soon to share with you, I'm quite proud of both necklaces, but Sheridan's was a style I've never tried before and I think it turned out great. I plan on making one for myself and Sarah after the same style as soon as I have the supplies.

And finally, for your enjoyment and mine, a couple pictures of my adorable nieces, Leah and Evelyn! They both are almost always happy and smiling and I love them to pieces!