Into the Woods and Infertility

While there are other characters whose stories get told, in my opinion, Into the Woods is, at it’s core, the story of the Baker and his wife and their quest for a child. I like the movie anyway, but when I think about it in that way and look at it through the eyes of someone who has struggled with infertility, I appreciate it on a whole new level. And when you think about it that way, it really does give you some good insight into the world of those dealing with infertility. This is something I’ve actually thought about quite a bit, and I’ve briefly considered writing a post about it and just haven’t gotten around to it. So, I decided I’d take time to write it this week in honor of Infertility Awareness Week. So, here’s what I think Into the Woods can teach us about infertility.

Willing to go to extremes

Because the Baker and his wife desperately want a child after waiting and waiting, they’re willing to do pretty much anything to get that child. Specifically, they’re willing to take orders from a crazy witch to find 4 very specific and rare items on a tight schedule. And of course there is the part where the Baker’s wife insists that the end justifies the beans, or in other words, she’s willing to deceive Jack if she can get the items the witch requests. She knows what she wants and will do whatever it takes.

In real life, people dealing with infertility also take on crazy adventures to get a child. They may go through all kinds of exams and tests, take various medications, give themselves shots, track menstrual cycles like their lives depend on it, spend all kinds of money, or use egg or sperm donors or even surrogates, and much more. There are so many steps to try and check off the list, but it all seems worth it if they can get that baby.

Other people don’t get it

If you’ve seen Into the Woods, do you remember the scene where the Baker’s wife is trying to explain to Cinderella why she needs the gold slipper? Cinderella looks at her like she is absolutely crazy because it just doesn’t make sense to her.

Often, people who haven’t dealt with infertility just can’t imagine why a couple would go through the treatments they do or spend so much money, etc. Or they may just be really confused as to what it all entails. People joke about needing a dictionary for all the acronyms and jargon that you learn when you’re dealing with infertility, but it’s kind of true, and people outside of that circle may frequently give you clueless looks when you’re trying to update them on your infertility journey.

Feelings of guilt and shame and distance from your spouse

In Into the Woods the Baker and his wife learn that they can’t a have a child because the witch cursed the Baker’s family when his father stole from her. Upon learning this, the Baker feels really guilty and insists that because the curse is on his house, he must fix the curse himself. His wife is willing to help, but he brushes her off and insists that he has to do it alone. His continued insistence causes a couple of disagreements between them and puts some distance between them.

One of the hardest things about infertility is the strain it can put on your marriage. We never found a specific cause for our infertility, but Jacob’s tests came back clean, and since there is more that is likely to go wrong on the woman’s side, it was easy for me to assume that something was probably wrong with me, and that caused a few feelings of guilt and shame on my part. Luckily I didn’t really struggle with feeling like Jacob must blame or resent me, but I can easily imagine how those feelings might come up with infertility and how that would strain a relationship. Plus you also have to consider that it’s harder to feel close to each other when your most intimate moments usually have to be scheduled around treatments, etc.

Skewed perceptions of other children

Remember the  scene where Red comes into the bakery and takes all the bread and treats and, while claiming it’s all for her Grandma, proceeds to basically stuff her face? And the Baker’s wife just lets her do it and even kind of dotes on her? Or how about when the Baker is trying to get Red’s cape and has no idea how to approach her and freaks her out?

Interacting with kids can be interesting when you’re desperately waiting for your own child. Sometimes it may feel like you don’t how to interact with them, like the Baker. But for us it was way more common that we just loved watching little kids and thought everything they did was adorable, even things other people might find annoying. (For example, Jacob and I totally loved watching toddlers during Sacrament Meeting as they failed to be reverent and would shout things out, etc.)

It can strengthen your marriage if you let it

After the Baker finally acknowledges that his wife would be helpful to have along as they try to break the curse, their quest starts to bring them closer together and open their eyes to other sides of each other, and after a rocky start, it actually strengthens their relationship.

While infertility can put a strain on a marriage, it also has a great capacity to make a marriage stronger. While part of that may be based on the fact that you continue to be able to focus most of your time on each other without the distraction of children, most of it really comes from working together to bear one another up under the heavy load of infertility and the grief and sorrow that comes with it.

Learning to go with Plan B

So, after the Baker and his wife go to all the work of finding everything the witch required, it doesn’t work (because the witch had touched the hair before). However, Jack suggests that they just use the actual corn in it’s place, and that Plan B ends up working.

Infertility is all about being willing to move on to Plan B, or C, or D, and on and on. With infertility Plan A has already failed you, so you pick a Plan B. For a lot of people that plan looks like meds such as Clomid and maybe a less intense procedure like an IUI. If that fails, Plan C may be IVF. Plan D might be something like adoption or a donor of some kind. At each step, you have to hold your breathe that the next plan will be the one that works, and every time you get your hopes up and pray desperately that they won’t be dashed again.

So, there you have it; some of the thoughts I’ve had about Into the Woods and Infertility. I’m sure there are probably other points that other people may pick up on or that I’ve forgotten because I haven’t watched the movie for a while, but I hope that what I have shared will help you understand the world of infertility a little bit more.