Happy

I am happy because:

In less than three months I am getting married to the man of my dreams.

My cousin Brian just got home from his mission, and it'll be nice to get to talk to him more often.

I finally got my attitude on a little straighter, and I'm not stressed out all the time, at least not as much.

And, did I mention that I have this great guy in my life named Jacob?

Update!

I'm going crazy. It's true. I have an emotional breakdown at least once a week, because I can't keep the stress from getting to me. And it's driving me crazy, cause I know it's ridiculous.

School is the main source, not the wedding. Possibly because school keeps me so busy I barely have time to think about the wedding. The class that's going to kill me? Elang 350. Otherwise known as Basic Editing. And entirely necessary for me to take right now. We have 5 books for that class. 5 textbooks on editing. I have reading from at least two of them every class period, and lately a 2-4 page worksheet to practice what I've read. Not to mention the total of 6 tests in the class. Plus the final. That is 7 tests in a 16 week period. Not fun. Plus 2 or 3 projects. One which I'm already supposed to be working on, but are you kidding me, I haven't had time for that. So, if I die or actually do lose what sanity I have left, you can blame it on this class.

However, there has been one good thing that has come of this high stress level I've been at lately. I see even more how much Jacob loves me. He has been so patient with me(ignoring the fact that he thinks he gets to tickle me every time I get too discouraged) and I feel so bad it seems like I'm incapable of remembering what he's told me to help keep me calm. He truly is the source of my sanity right now. Even when I'm having a hard time, and I'm crying in the middle of campus, I really am still happy. That's something I realized this week. Despite my surface emotions, I have this deep rooted calm, peace, and happiness that doesn't really go away. I know that comes from Jacob, and it's been there since the first time he said "I love you" to me. So, although I may seem to be unhappy and stressed all the time, I really am happy right now. And I can't wait until April 30th when I can be sealed to Jacob for eternity. Nothing sounds better than that to me right now.

As for wedding plans, they're coming along quite nicely. I'm going to have my friend Amanda Campbell do our photography (if you need any pictures taken, check out the link to her photography blog under my blog list) and I met with her on Friday to talk about some ideas and times. My wedding dress is finished. My mom and I went to the ladies house one last time yesterday so she could make sure the hem was right, etc. It is perfect. I loved it before the alterations, but now, I love it even more. I know I'm going to feel beautiful in it, and I'm so excited for Jacob to see me in it. Also, my mom and I have decided how we want to do the centerpieces for the reception, and talked to my dad's cousin about what decoration we're going to rent from her company. We've basically decided on what we'll serve for refreshments, and the biggest reception stuff left to decide will depend on the weather. I want to have it in my parent's backyard, but we'll see if the weather cooperates.

Some exciting things: Jacob and I decided to make our own wedding cake together. I think it will be so much fun. And, if it isn't the most beautiful cake ever, that'll be okay, because we'll know that it's something we did together. Also, we've booked our honeymoon. We're driving up to Seattle and staying in a Bed and Breakfast in town. Best part-- the room we wanted wasn't' available, so they're giving us the slightly bigger and nicer room, for the same price as the other one. How sweet is that?

So, I think that's about it. Now to get back to life, cya.

Winter 2010...what will it be like?

Today was the first day for the new semester....

Can we just fast forward to April 30th please? Because then I would have another semester behind me(having gotten brilliant grades of course) and the wedding would be planned, and all I would have to do is get married! Too bad life doesn't work that way. So here's how it's gonna work this semester:

I'm working in the mornings again. I think 4am missed me. I didn't miss it. Luckily, I think I'll adjust okay. My mind and my body have done this before..so I just have to remember, right? Of course, that doesn't mean I'll avoid having a hard time staying awake in all my classes(today was not a good sign).

As for my classes, can I please murder my CHUM teacher and replace her with a new one. Way to go, not making sure that our book was on the booklist. And now the bookstore doesn't' have it ordered in....and you expect me to do the homework anyway? No thanks. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this will be my very least favorite class of the semester. Boo on you Computers and the Humanities 230, thanks for cramping my enjoyable semester. (Look forward to further complaints of this nature, though don't get me wrong, it will be nice to learn more about InDesign and Photoshop, and review what I haven't used in an eternity)

I also am taking Spanish again this semester. Ugh...Spanish. I'm quite tired of you. And I miss my teacher from last semester because I actually felt like I learned a lot from her. The only good thing about this class is that A. I do like learning a new language, just not all the busy work. And B. This is my second to last class of Spanish...ever, during my career at BYU.

Basic Editing should be an interesting class. We get to keep a blooper log. As in take pictures and document any and all usage or grammar mistakes on posters, signs, blogs, anything. Also, my teacher compared editors to Christ today....it was an interesting analogy, and actually pretty well thought out. I plan to learn a lot in this class. And...she's the teacher over internships, so I'll have to talk to her about that, and other good ways to get some actual experience. I'm contemplating joining a student journal...I'm just not sure I'll have time.

Speaking of time, I'm pretty sure life hates me, because Jacob and I hardly have any time to see each other this semester. Our schedules are pretty much opposites. This will be painful....but perhaps a good thing. Maybe I'll get more studying done. (AKA maybe Jacob will get more studying done, cause I always got my stuff done) But to say the least...I am NOT happy about this. At least I won't be working Sundays anymore though, so that'll be nice to actually spend some time with him on weekends.

So, the only classes I haven't mentioned are my World Lit and English Novel classes. I had World Lit today, and I'm excited for it. It's the second half, and I'm taking it from the same professor I took the first half from last semester. I really like her style, so I'm looking forward to the class. I haven't had my English Novel class yet, but I'm quite sure I will love it. Just one thing...I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I've already read at least half of the material for my two literature classes.....hmmmm.

One more note. People my age are getting back from their missions. It makes me feel kind of old. It will be fun to run into some of them on campus. Or at least I hope I'll run into them. This also means that my cousin Brian gets home in approximately 1 month. I love that kid, he's one of my best friends, and I'm super excited to see him!

Okay, I think that's all. Bye.

2010

So, it's the first day of 2010. Wow. Time flies way to fast. So, yesterday I told you all about some of the big things I did last year. Here's a preview for some of the things I am looking forward to this year:

I am going to finish planning a wedding.
I will take out my endowments.
I am getting married to Jacob on April 30th!!!!!
We are going to Seattle(for our honeymoon) it will be my first time there!
I'll start my last year at BYU.


hmm, the list may not be that long, but those are some pretty big things. I'm super excited for this year! It's gonna be great.

P.S. I love my life.

2009 in review

First of all, Happy Birthday to my mom yesterday. She is the best ever!

Today is the last day of 2009. How is time going by so fast? Really, it seems like I was just celebrating the end of 2008! Anyway, I was thinking about how much has happened this year, it's been extremely eventful for me. So, I think I'll just list a few of them.

This year:

I reached my half way point of my years at BYU.
My parents moved to Fruit Heights.
I went to Yellowstone for the first time in my life.
I fell in love.
I decided not to go on a mission.
I got my first kiss.
I became an aunt.
I lost my Grandma B.
I got engaged.
I scheduled my temple sealing.
I turned 21.
I started planning a wedding.
I spent Christmas Eve with Jacob's family(first Christmas Eve away from my family)
I bought a wedding dress.

All in all, it was probably the best year of my life so far. But, I think next year will be even better.

Miracles DO Happen.

So, I was really quite stressed about when in the world I would get all my wedding stuff done. But most of all, I was stressed about finding a wedding dress. I'm not going to be home for any other full days when my mom doesn't have work, and I had no idea how I was going to find a dress today without completely wearing myself out. I really just wanted a day to relax.

Well, today we did go dress shopping. And at the very first place we went, I tried on a dress. And the very first dress I tried on was everything I have been hoping to find. It is PERFECT. Plus- it's a great quality dress, that they had for HALF OFF because they are closing out the bridal part of their store. So, we bought it! I have my wedding dress! It is beautiful and I love it. We also found shoes and a gorgeous tiara. So now I just need a veil, and I might borrow Jacob's sister's.

AHH!! I am so much less stressed today than I was before, I'm so happy!

Christmas

Well, I must say that this Christmas has by far been the most interesting of my life. Christmas isn't usually very different for my family, because we have a lot of traditions and usual activities. So, this year, it was interesting for me to experience Christmas in an entirely different way.

On the 23rd Jacob and I finally got out of Provo and headed to his parents house. That night we celebrated Christmas Adam with some of his extended family, which was a lot of fun. On the 24th Jacob and I went downtown to do some last minute shopping, and of course had to stop and get lunch at our favorite Thai food restaurant, Thai Lotus. Jacob has really broadened my horizons when it comes to food). Last night his parents had some family members over for a Christmas devotional where people shared Christmas stories and musical numbers. It was a beautiful night, and even though I really missed my family, I fully enjoyed myself. I also enjoyed learning all about the Ross' Christmas Tree, which is themed around symbols of Christ. It is such a beautiful tree, and I love the concept behind it. And of course we also played some Wii, which is always fun. The only drawback to the day was the fact that I felt slightly sick all day long. Not my favorite Christmas Eve activity.

And now, today is Christmas. My family beat the Ross household awake, so I got to wake up to texts from Mom, Dad, and David. I bummed around for awhile in the room I'd been staying in, until I finally made myself for the day. I got some great presents from Jacob and his family, some of my favorites being the wooden magnet and ring box his dad made for me. They are beautiful! I also LOVE the scarfs I got, and the awesome hat Jacob gave me. We had a delicious breakfast of ebelskivers before Jacob and I packed up the car and headed to Fruit Heights in time to meet my family and head to lunch in Syracuse at my aunt Karla's. We were there for about an hour before we headed back down to Salt Lake for dinner with some of Jacob's family at his grandma's. Which was delicious! And then, we headed back up to Fruit Heights for the rest of the weekend.

To say the least, it's been an interesting and different Christmas for me. But, the spirit of Christmas has still been there. I'm so glad to be marrying Jacob, who has a family that I've already begun to love and feel so welcome with. And, even though this Christmas has been an unusual one for me, I'm the happiest I've ever been. (Yes, I'm happy, despite the fact that I'm not facing the stress of planning a wedding, yay). I love my family, and I love Jacob's family, and I love Jacob more than I'd ever loved anyone. And I suppose that's why it still feels like Christmas, because that's really what it is all about. Love. Love for each other, Love for our Savior and Heavenly Father, and their Love for us.

So, Merry Christmas everyone. I know by the time you read this, it won't be Christmas anymore, but the truth is, we should never let what we call "the spirit of Christmas" completely fade from our lives. Thank you all for your love, friendship, and support. I hope you're holidays have been great, and continue to be so.

P.S.

Anybody who has any good ideas for wedding stuff at a good price, I would love to hear them!
Okay, that's all.

The latest and greatest, and not so greatest.

Just thought I'd give a few updates:

On Friday Jacob had to work. Which meant I had to find someone else to enjoy my night with. So, I partied with Jill. It was so great, I don't do nearly enough with that girl anymore. It was so much fun! We went to the mall and did some shopping, even though we both are a little low on money. We decided that we are the perfect shopping partners! We both have similar feelings about what we're willing to spend, and we help each other be a little more adventurous. It was the perfect way to celebrate the end of finals.

Saturday I went back to the mall with Jacob to do some Christmas shopping. It was so much fun to finally be free to just enjoy some time together. We came to the conclusion that I should wear more hats. I like hats, and I look good in them...but I don't wear them all that often. It was nice to know that Jacob agrees that they look good on me. We were going to make some delicious Clam Chowder together, and bought all the ingredients...but decided to wait till Sunday. Instead we watched Star Trek. Such a good movie!

While we were shopping we decided to check out rings for Jacob, just to get some ideas. Well, we found one that he really likes, and it was on sale. So, I bought it. It's pretty exciting to have his ring!

On Sunday we ended up not making the clam chowder, because we went and had a delicious meal at our bishop's house. MMmmm. Sis. Bourne certainly makes some absolutely tasty food.

Later Sunday though, we had some bad news. Jacob and I had thought that we'd found a fantastic deal on a cruise for our honeymoon. But...turns out that price that we thought was for both of us was per person. So, the cruise is out of the question now. But, that's okay. We'll find something else. We're looking at Seattle now, and I'm pretty excited about that.

I guess that's about it. Oh wait! They cleaned the carpets at work! Which means that it's a little bit easier to vacuum! That made me pretty happy. But, I'm working 6 hours a night now, so I spent an hour and half cleaning walls in the racquetball courts, and of course that was fun. NOT.

Love-Hate Relationship

I have one. With the salt that BYU uses to melt the ice on campus.

Sure, everything is all fine and dandy and great when they use salt, right? It melts all the ice, I no longer have to be afraid of slipping, falling, breaking my head open and dying, or at the very least bruising my pride and my backside. So the salt is great, we should all love it! Yay for the salt!

WRONG!!!!!! See, I only love it when I'm out walking around campus on an icy cold day. But as soon as that salt gets inside, it's pure EVIL! You all laugh, but it's true. Take my word, as a custodian who has to to deal with it. A. When it is still intact in little white balls, it refuses to be vacuumed up. Refuses I tell you! B. As you get further inside, it's no longer seeable, but it's there, lurking, in the carpet. And let me tell you, that salt does NOT get along with my vacuum. Not at all, and so then I have to force my vacuum to go at all. It feels more like I'm pushing something that weighs as much as I do instead of some dinky, mostly plastic vacuum. Which means by the end of the day at work, my right arm has gotten a really good workout, and I'm sweating like a pig from having to push a vacuum so hard. The other day it was so bad that it made my back hurt!

So, that's right. I do have a love-hate relationship with salt. IceMelt salt to be specific. Or maybe I should really just blame it on the students who track it into the RB....hmmmm.......

On the other hand, here are some things I have a clear cut relationship with.
I HATE:
The fact that I have a cold and my nose is running like it's in a marathon.
That my books for next semester are going to cost me upwards of 300 buckaroos.
That I don't really get much of a Christmas break because Jacob and I are being responsible and working some extra hours.
The fact that those extra hours are all at different times and that we won't have time to have fun adventures together while we're stuck in Provo.
The fact that I can never quite remember how to spell vacuum(is it two c's, two u's, or two of both?)

I LOVE:
Jacob.
The fact that I just took my last final and I feel pretty good about all of them.
That is warmed up a little bit and I don't' feel like a human icicle the second I step outside.
That it is going to be Christmas Eve in a week, and Christmas the day after that.
That spellcheck can take care of my "vacuum"s for me.

MMM...Chlorine....

Weird, I know. Get over it. Ever since I was on swim team in high school I have loved the smell of chlorinated pools. I think it's because I constantly smelled like chlorine, I am serious, even after showering there was still a lingering scent on my skin. And I started to love it.

Today when I was at work, in the RB where BYU's pool is, I walked by a door that was open to the pool and was hit by a wave of pool scented air. I breathed in nice and deep, it was heavenly. It was then that I realized that I NEED to go swimming. Okay, it may be more like a really strong want, but I feel like it needs to happen. Too bad it's winter so my apartment complex's pool is closed. And....when the pool on campus is open to everyone I'm either A. working, B. sleeping, or C. in class. Yeah....I've never used the school's pool.

So in my heart right now I'm a little sad because it's been so long since I went swimming. Sad day.

Also....I take my first final tomorrow, so wish me luck. I'll probably need it since it's my Spanish Oral Final...and I always forget words because I'm so nervous.

On another random note, I watched Mulan with my roommates yesterday. WOW it's been forever since I watched that movie, sooo good. But I think my brain has become too analytical...I notice too many things. (Luckily I can mostly shut that part off, or I'd never enjoy a Disney movie). So, in the first 5 minutes of the movie I made a new discovery. Before she cuts her hair, Mulan is CONSTANTLY playing with it! Kudos to Disney for paying attention to a detail like that. I'm pretty sure any girl with long hair has a hard time not fidgeting with it at some point and time.

Okay, I'm done now....get back to whatever it is you are supposed to be doing but are avoiding by reading my blog. And to those of you who are fellow students of mine, good luck with your finals!

Don't know what to do

So....the end of the semester is always confusing for me, it throws me for a loop. I really do work better when I know I have a lot to do on a tight schedule. I somewhere along the line developed a coping mechanism of not letting myself get too stressed(usually) so being busy isn't' a huge problem.
Just a week and a half ago I felt like I had TONS to do and barely enough time to do it. But, I got it done, with plenty of time to spare. And now I'm sitting at the end of the semester and I look at my schedule and I've got a grand total of three assignments to do. Two of them are fairly short assignments and the other isn't due until after finals. And I can't get myself to do ANY of it! Really, I mean it. Apparently as soon as I no longer feel under pressure I can't work at all. Annoying. I hate not being able to get myself to work...and yet I've been fighting myself to get any homework done at all today.

To add to the problem, now that I'm not feeling overly stressed with homework I have started to think...WEDDING. I mean, really, I have 5 months(a little less actually) but I'm already being sucked in to it. I've been looking at wedding dressed online today, and I've been thinking about flowers, and oh, I just want to plan everything right now! Too bad it can't work that way.

Speaking of flowers, my cousin Liesel is AMAZING! She is majoring in floral design so of course I would want her to do my flowers....but....she is leaving on a mission and goes to the MTC in approximately 11 days. I am super excited for her, but of course disappointed that she can't to my flowers. But what makes her so awesome is the fact that she sent me a PowerPoint of some ideas for flowers, and I pretty much think I love them! I'm going to use calla lilies, and they will be amazing. Which is one reason I'm getting super excited.

Speaking of exciting, I called the temple, and Jacob and I officially have an appointment at the temple! For April 30th at 10:45am. Of course, with the way our lives are so crazy, the day AFTER I called his mom found out she has a huge choir concert on the 30th. But...no worries. We are just going to do our reception on the 1st. Which I'm actually kind of happy about. But yeah, there you go, wedding plans are always going crazy. FUN!!!

But honestly, no matter how crazy things get, it will be totally worth it, since I'll get to spend eternity with the man I love!

Hope this rambly entry wasn't too annoying. :)

What is my problem?

I've been realizing something lately. something very disconcerting and annoying. And definitely a personality trait that I really need to change.
I love people, I really do. But I'm definitely not perfect and I judge way more than I should. Which means I am super lousy at being understanding sometimes. Which is something Jacob has had to put up with a lot lately. And I feel super bad about that. Luckily, he's amazing and much more understanding and patient with me than I probably deserve.
Want to know the most annoying part though? Generally I know how stupid I'm being, and I understand that I should be patient. So I try not to get frustrated, but I usually do anyway. Then I try to hide it and get over it. But usually people catch on anyway. (Especially Jacob).

So...judging from my second to last post before this one, I've got a bad trend going on. I try to hide my feelings when I know I shouldn't' have them. And I mean, I suppose it's kind of a good thing because I know I shouldn't feel the way I do. But, on the other hand, people shouldn't ignore their feelings.

Any solutions? At least something I can do while I work on being more patient. Because they'd be appreciated. :)

"But you never answered my question."

I'm sure most of you who actually read this already know this news....but why not repeat it, and some of you don't so:

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!

Jacob and I have been dating since the end of June, and I knew we were going to get married, and that he wanted me to have the ring by Thanksgiving, but I was still so surprised! And it still feels so unreal and yet perfectly normal and oh so exciting all at the same time.

Now, I know you all want pictures and the story so here you go:

So, my ward does this thing called "Love notes" every Sunday where after ward pray where you can write notes to anyone in the ward, put them in a folder, and have them delivered. Jacob has always written me poems for this, but a few weeks ago he "randomly" came up with the idea to write me a series of poems that went together and then we'd make a date out of finishing it. So he had written me three when we went yesterday to finish them. Of course it finally decided to be all cold and snowy, so we couldn't' do a fun picnic. So we went up to campus and wandered around for a while. We ended up in my favorite building on campus(the JFSB) in a area with seats that looked out on the beautiful courtyard. He read the first three notes to me and then started writing the fourth one, saying it aloud as he did so. When I knew he'd be getting close to the end of the poem he paused and then finished it by saying, "but you never answered my question." I turned and asked what question, and he then proceeded to explain to me/show me that over the four notes he had sneakily placed the words, "Will you marry me?" in spaces corresponding with the numbers he'd written on the bottom of the poem which I thought was just to keep the order I'd received them in straight. I had no idea! It was great!

So we sat there for a while just enjoying being with each other and then he took me out to lunch, and then I called my mom :) and other family members. But seriously, I am the happiest person alive since then.

As for the ring, it's perfect. We talked about it months ago and what preferences I have, but I've always wanted the ring to be a surprise whenever I thought about getting engaged. We talked about a colored stone and I knew that is what he was leaning towards, but over the past few weeks I started wondering if I'd really be okay with something besides a diamond. Well....the moment he pulled it out of his pocket I fell in love with the ring. It's a beautiful blue sapphire with two tiny diamonds set on either side. But of course a picture is worth a thousand words so here you go(by the way it is more blue in the light then this looks, it was really hard to get a good picture showing the design and the color):

And here is me and my fiancee!!!

Just Thinking

Sometimes I wonder if I get my feelings hurt or get offended to easily. Actually I know I sometimes do.. But I try to avoid it. But in the last couple days when I've just been tired and stressed out anyway, I've had a chance to kind of watch myself. A couple of actually quite small things have happened lately or been brought to my attention that have really upset me. And it's not like I'm out of control upset, but they are on my mind. And I'd probably feel better if I did something about it by talking to people. But, the people don't' even know they've done something to annoy me or hurt my feelings, or whatever. So...do I bring it up or not?

Cause here is the thing. I hate conflict, especially with people I really care about. As in, I really really really hate it. I will do anything at all possible to avoid it, even if it means holding things in for too long and then blowing up about something later. It's a quite stupid thing I do, but I understand why I do it. When I do end up getting in a discussion/argument with people, my feelings are easily hurt. Sure, that's not the best personality trait, but that's me and it's not really something I can change. Well, I don't like being hurt. So, either I get really hurt, or I find a way to protect myself. Well, generally my protecting myself leads to me being really really really mean. Because I stop letting myself care about emotions, not just mine, but other peoples as well.

So, see my dilemma. I don't like being mean, and I don't like being hurt, so then I don't' bring things up. But then I end up with a cloud hanging over my head until I can just force myself to forget about whatever happened that bothers me. It's a vicious cycle, and I don't know what to do. And this post is really just kind of to let me vent, so sorry you had to read it.

In other news, life is pretty good right now. I had a really crappy day earlier this week, but such things are few and far between in life lately, and I certainly love it. yay for life.