"But you never answered my question."

I'm sure most of you who actually read this already know this news....but why not repeat it, and some of you don't so:

I'M ENGAGED!!!!!!

Jacob and I have been dating since the end of June, and I knew we were going to get married, and that he wanted me to have the ring by Thanksgiving, but I was still so surprised! And it still feels so unreal and yet perfectly normal and oh so exciting all at the same time.

Now, I know you all want pictures and the story so here you go:

So, my ward does this thing called "Love notes" every Sunday where after ward pray where you can write notes to anyone in the ward, put them in a folder, and have them delivered. Jacob has always written me poems for this, but a few weeks ago he "randomly" came up with the idea to write me a series of poems that went together and then we'd make a date out of finishing it. So he had written me three when we went yesterday to finish them. Of course it finally decided to be all cold and snowy, so we couldn't' do a fun picnic. So we went up to campus and wandered around for a while. We ended up in my favorite building on campus(the JFSB) in a area with seats that looked out on the beautiful courtyard. He read the first three notes to me and then started writing the fourth one, saying it aloud as he did so. When I knew he'd be getting close to the end of the poem he paused and then finished it by saying, "but you never answered my question." I turned and asked what question, and he then proceeded to explain to me/show me that over the four notes he had sneakily placed the words, "Will you marry me?" in spaces corresponding with the numbers he'd written on the bottom of the poem which I thought was just to keep the order I'd received them in straight. I had no idea! It was great!

So we sat there for a while just enjoying being with each other and then he took me out to lunch, and then I called my mom :) and other family members. But seriously, I am the happiest person alive since then.

As for the ring, it's perfect. We talked about it months ago and what preferences I have, but I've always wanted the ring to be a surprise whenever I thought about getting engaged. We talked about a colored stone and I knew that is what he was leaning towards, but over the past few weeks I started wondering if I'd really be okay with something besides a diamond. Well....the moment he pulled it out of his pocket I fell in love with the ring. It's a beautiful blue sapphire with two tiny diamonds set on either side. But of course a picture is worth a thousand words so here you go(by the way it is more blue in the light then this looks, it was really hard to get a good picture showing the design and the color):

And here is me and my fiancee!!!

Just Thinking

Sometimes I wonder if I get my feelings hurt or get offended to easily. Actually I know I sometimes do.. But I try to avoid it. But in the last couple days when I've just been tired and stressed out anyway, I've had a chance to kind of watch myself. A couple of actually quite small things have happened lately or been brought to my attention that have really upset me. And it's not like I'm out of control upset, but they are on my mind. And I'd probably feel better if I did something about it by talking to people. But, the people don't' even know they've done something to annoy me or hurt my feelings, or whatever. So...do I bring it up or not?

Cause here is the thing. I hate conflict, especially with people I really care about. As in, I really really really hate it. I will do anything at all possible to avoid it, even if it means holding things in for too long and then blowing up about something later. It's a quite stupid thing I do, but I understand why I do it. When I do end up getting in a discussion/argument with people, my feelings are easily hurt. Sure, that's not the best personality trait, but that's me and it's not really something I can change. Well, I don't like being hurt. So, either I get really hurt, or I find a way to protect myself. Well, generally my protecting myself leads to me being really really really mean. Because I stop letting myself care about emotions, not just mine, but other peoples as well.

So, see my dilemma. I don't like being mean, and I don't like being hurt, so then I don't' bring things up. But then I end up with a cloud hanging over my head until I can just force myself to forget about whatever happened that bothers me. It's a vicious cycle, and I don't know what to do. And this post is really just kind of to let me vent, so sorry you had to read it.

In other news, life is pretty good right now. I had a really crappy day earlier this week, but such things are few and far between in life lately, and I certainly love it. yay for life.

Happy Birthday!!!

Well, yes it is Halloween, so Happy Halloween to all of you out there!
But also it is the birthday of two of the most important men in my life.

First off, Happy Birthday Dad! I love you! Over the years you have taught me so much, been a great source of advice and guidance, a true friend, and most of all, you have always loved and supported me. I'm so glad you are my dad, and I'm truly so lucky to be your daughter. I hope this has been a great day for you, you certainly deserve it.

Secondly, Happy Birthday Jacob! I feel so lucky to have you in my life and I hope that never changes. You take such good care of me and make me so happy. I love you so much and hope to celebrate many more birthdays with you! Love you!

Yeah, aren't I so lucky to get to celebrate the birthdays of two wonderful men in my life? So while the rest of you are finding ways to get candy and win the costume contest, I get to think about how blessed I am in have them in my life. Wow, I'm one lucky girl.

I hope the rest of you enjoy Halloween though!

HELP!!!!

Okay, so I'm going to ask you guys to help me out if at all possible here.

I have a plane ticket, cause you know I was going to go to Louisiana this summer, but couldn't because of work.
Well, that plane ticket cost me 360 bucks, and I'm not really going to use it, so right now that money has basically been wasted.
However, Southwest is pretty awesome, and my ticket is still usable till June, and the destination and date can be changed. I can even give my confirmation number to someone else and let them change the passenger info and then just pay me for the ticket.
So, what I'm asking is that if any of you need a ticket anytime soon, or know somebody who does, and can use this, let me know if you're interested at all. I could really really use the money, and to sweeten the deal a little, I'd even be okay with not getting the whole 360 back. I was thinking somewhere around 300. So yeah, help me out if you can at all!

Thank you all!

Life is Great!

So, Jacob went home with me this last weekend and we went to my old ward in Layton cause Heidi is home! It was so great to see her and everybody else from the Fairfield ward.
Also, my parents and Jacob's parents both supplied us with delicious food over the weekend. boy we were spoiled. It was so great!

Also, it is fall. And there are so many beautifully colored leaves. And, there are some on the ground, that are really really crunchy when you step on them. Ah....love that sound. Love fall.

I haven't been overwhelmingly loaded down with homework. It's a great feeling.

Yesterday I randomly ran into Sara K.G. on campus, and then we ran into Jill, and then Amanda walked by. Ah...I have so many good friends. It was great to just sit and talk for a bit with them.

Also, I'm going to the temple any minute now to do some family names. I love doing that and it isn't an opportunity I get often.

And last of all, there is this great guy in my life named Jacob. I'm kind of in love with him, and he kind of makes life beautifully fantastic.

Grandma B

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well the ways of her household, and eateth on the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Proverbs 31:25-28

I have never met a woman who this scripture fit more perfectly than my Grandma B. Early Friday morning Grandma returned home to the Lord. I'm sure her reception was glorious, and that she found waiting for her not only her heavenly parents, but also her earthly parents, her siblings, and husband she hadn't seen for 30 years. Grandma and Grandpa will be celebrating and anniversary together this week for the first time since he passed away 30 years ago. Grandma was ready to go, and we are glad she is finally at peace, but she will be missed.

I think I spent as much time growing up at Grandma's as I did at home, and there is a very special place in my heart for the beautiful woman. Sarah, David and I spent countless days at Grandma's. We would play with the typewriter, sled down her hill, help her water the rose bushes, climb the cherry tree, sleep on her water bed, and oh so many more things. Grandma taught me how to share, how to compromise, to always be kind, and to be happy, obedient, and loving. She taught me to love the gospel, and the temple. And all of this she did by neary perfect example, in years and years of service to the church, her neighbors, and most of all her family.

Grandma's love was perfect. She saw past the flaws and loved me for who I could become. She came to countless school performances, piano recitals, birthdays, christmases, and so many more important events in my life. Her support and love were special gifts, and she never hesitated to tell me how special I was, and how proud she was of me. She was alwas giving, and always doing, giving of herself to serve others.

As she got older it was our turn to serve her. But she was still always so concerned about us and how we were doing. When speaking became more difficult, I could see her love for me in her eyes, I could feel it just by being near her. Her example over the years is a huge part of who I am now, and I am so grateful for the part she played in my life. I miss her already so very much, but Grandma has gone home to the peace and happiness she has deserved for so long. And now I have even more incentive to live my life well, because when my time comes, I want to be with her again, to feel her loving arms wrapped around me. Until then, I'll do my best and keep her memory always in my heart.

I'm pretty excited...

because in a week Heidi gets home from her mission! It has been ever so long since I've seen her. And I cant' wait for more good times and memories like these:

yesterday

it got cold. so I:

drank hot chocolate
listened to Christmas music
wore long pajama pants
used my warmest blanket.

And I remembered, that although I hate being cold, once you get inside, winter has kind of a cozy feeling to it. I think that decision had something to do with the Christmas music. I'm kind of looking forward to that. 2 months and 24 days till Christmas!

Which means my birthday is 2 months from yesterday. I'll be 21. How did that happen?

Wow, this post grew. I really just wanted to let you all know I broke out the Christmas music yesterday. Okay, THE END.

Told you so

Remember my theme for the summer? "Happiness is a choice"

Guess what, I'm not the only one who thinks so. Well, duh. But guess who else thought so? And wrote a whole long treatise type thing about it lots and lots of years ago? Aristotle. That's who. Yeah, I felt pretty smart. Me and Aristotle thinking the same way.

Anywho, that's what I learned about in World Lit yesterday. Go Aristotle.

Oh yeah...did you know that Shakespeare invented the word lonely? Who would have thought. I learned that in my Shakespeare class.

Also, there is a hilarious show on YouTube called Que Hora Es? It's a Spanish soap opera for people who only had three terms of Spanish...in the 4th grade. That's what I learned about in Spanish today(I promise that's not all)

The women's footwork for the reverse turn of the ballroom waltz is TH T TH HT T TH.

All dialects are created equal. You may not believe that, but the Linguistics who took a Usage class will teach you differently.

So, there is a nice little update for you on how my classes are going. Hope it wasn't too boring for you.
And remember, choose Happiness. I do.

Tales of the RB(among many other ramblings)

Perhaps I should have called this heads of the RB...big heads of the RB. So, I've been working in the RB for like a year now, right? And all of the custodial supervisors and most of the custodians themselves are always complaining about the dancers. Usually the ballroom dancers. So I just used to think so...whatever...they're not that bad. None of them had ever really bothered me before, they seemed like nice enough people. I'm kind of friends with a couple of them...and some of them can even be quite nice. But lately...I've kind of been annoyed by them, which made it really entertaining to overhear a certain conversation the other day between some ballroom dancers. So, there are these signs in the RB asking people not to sit in the hallways and thanks for not getting in the way etc. and then some asking people not to use bathrooms for changing rooms. Typical signs in a college building right? So I'm cleaning and I hear this:
Guy 1- "I don't know why they keep putting up these signs for the dancers, it's our building" (Okay, so the dancers definitely don't own the building, BYU does AND they are not the only ones who use that building.)
Guy 2- "mumble mumble mumble, and the Folk Dancers blah blah blah" (So he starts complaining all about the fold dancers and I'm thinking, so you think you're better than the Folk dancers..hmm. I've had less problems with them than you guys)
So yeah, I found that pretty hilarious. Especially the one guy claiming it was their building. haha, so funny. I really wanted to just go tell him how stupid that statement was, but I didn't.

On to another funny note. They recently put stickers on some of the doors in the RB. You know, the ones informing everyone to be careful because they are automatic doors. You've all seen them. I've always been entertained by the fact that if you read like any normal person would it reads "Automatic Caution Door" I mean technically they mean, "Caution: Automatic Door." Two totally different things, right? I thought I'd share with you all what I generally picture in my head when reading these doors. I picture these doors automatically and somewhat magically coming to life, sticking out hands(which they obviously don't' have) in the sort of universal don't' move fashion and shouting, "Caution, caution!" Pretty silly right? But hey, it's not my fault they can't make signs that make sense in the English language when properly read. At least in my opinion they don't.

So, now that I've made you all laugh I'm going to move on to a more serious note. How the heck does life keep moving on so fast on me!?! Seriously!?! The first friends of mine that I generally wrote on their missions were my cousin's two friends that are twins. Yeah...one of them is back and the other gets back this week. When did this happen? It seems like they just barely left. And Brian only has four months left, right? How did that happen. I don't' know. So I'm sitting here thinking, wow those missions go by fast, and Liesel up and gets her mission call! I'm super excited for her, she's going to Cebu Philippines and leaves December 16th. So not only is Liesel now taking off on her mission soon, it means we're both getting so old! Because of course I'm now not going on a mission because I'm sort of in love with somebody and kind of want to marry him somewhere along the line. When did we grow up? I don't know. Oh and just a point of interest, had I turned in mission papers, I also would have gotten my call this week. Weird....

Okay, that's all for my random ramblings. Goodbye now.

So busy

So, it's true that I'm a slacker and haven't written in a few weeks. Lame Lydia. (ooh alliteration) Let me explain why there has been a lack of entries on this lovely blog:

Classes
Work
Homework
Boyfriend
Friends

Yeah, do those seem like enough sufficient reasons? It seems like it to me. Trying to fit all of those things into my schedule means I'm ever so busy. Which means computer time is limited. And for some reason the blog just seems to fall by the wayside when that happens. I apologise to you though.

So now you're thinking, "how does she have time to write at this point and time?" I'll explain. It's Saturday, which is a beautiful thing in and of itself because not only do I not have classes, but I also don't have work. As for the homework factor, I've spent about 5 or 6 hours on homework today and if I do any more homework, my brain will esplode(yeah, I noticed the typo, but I liked it so it's still there). As for the friends and boyfriend thing, I'm sitting in the living room at Jacob's and Catherine, Jesse, and Dan are here too. But....Catherine is doing her homework(go Catherine!) and the boys have gotten into one of their crazy discussions(oh boys). So I find myself having some extra time with my laptop sitting in front of me and I thought: BLOG!!!

Now that you know how I have time for this entry let me get around to it. So, I'm so happy I stayed here in Provo. Obviously I'm glad to still be here with Jacob, but I also have some awesome classes. I'm taking Spanish 105, an English Usage class, Shakespeare, a World Lit class, and a dance class with Jacob. So, my classes are going to be hard, and I already have soooo much homework. But, I'm learning and it's exciting. I'm especially excited for my Shakespeare class. I kind of was a little worried that I'd find it boring(I know, what kind of English major would I be) but I have this awesome teacher who makes it so interesting and fun! YAY for good teachers.

Also, I still like my job. I may complain every day before I leave, but I like it. My supervisor is awesome, and I get to just think while I do menial cleaning. Yeah, I'm glad I got to keep my job. It pays pretty good too. Also a good thing.

So there is just a little update for you there on my life. I'll try and write a couple more entries tomorrow or something, like on about my awesome roommates, and my adorable niece(and the rest of the family) and such things. Adios mis amigos. Te amo(yeah, that's right, I'm still in Espanol mode. Go Spanglish.).

So, I met this guy...

A classic quote from Jill. I was reminded of it when I found the quote wall from freshmen year. Wow that seems forever ago sometimes. I'm starting this entry off with that quote because I think it's a pretty good description of my summer. Well, not exactly since I knew Jacob before this summer, but it still works. Another one I thought about using was the classic, "life is what happens while you're making other plans" but it was just to cliche. This entry may turn out to be kind of long and rambly, but it's my entry about everything that has happened to me over the past couple months, what I've been thinking about, and what I've learned. So there is a lot of that.

There are a few things in life that I really don't like doing. I don't know what I'm necessarily bad at them, but I don't trust myself to be able to do them well. Then include, making big decisions, changing my plans, being patient, trusting completely in the Lord, dealing well with stress, asking other people about what I need to do with my life, that sort of thing. It seems that the Lord felt I needed to grow up this summer and learn how to handle such things, because he seems to have been teaching me about them on a daily basis.

Jacob and I started dating towards the very end of June, and before too long it was clear that he was special and important part of my life, and I didn't want to lose him. But, I was going on a mission, that was my plan. And I don't change plans. But, for the first time in years my heart wanted something else as much as it wanted a mission, and I faced weeks of pondering, indecision, and uncertainty. I think my heart made the decision to stay long before my head would let me admit it to myself, but eventually my heart and head agreed. I was staying, and my mission will have to wait.

The answer on what I should decide in that case came a lot faster than I expected it to. But as soon as it was made, I faced another decision. Stick to the plan and move home, or try and find a way to stay in Provo? Then thrown into the mix was the option of trying to take classes, or just finding a job off of campus? And where would I find a place to live if I did stay in Provo? And where could I find a job, whether I moved home or not I still needed to find one.

All of these questions were running marathons in my head as last week started and from there the week only became more stressful. I found that the classes I needed did have openings, but how would I find a way to pay for them? I decided I wanted to try and stay in Provo, but where would I live? As the week passed, one day I would feel that I had an answer, a solution, and the next day it would come crashing down around me, and nothing seemed to be working. I experienced an emotional roller coaster unlike any I've ever been on before and by Thursday evening I found myself at a breaking point. I fell to pieces and bawled to my mom. I felt like I wasn't getting any answers. I didn't even know if I was supposed to be finding a way to stay in Provo or not. And if I was supposed to stay, how was I supposed to find way to make it all work?

Right now I'm sitting in my apartment, in Provo. Jacob is here with me, and I didn't' even have to change buildings. I can take out a loan to pay for classes, and may even get my half tuition scholarship rewarded to me by virtue of a petition recommended by my financial aid advisor. Everything has worked out and I'm surrounded by a feeling of peace and happiness that was nearly impossibly to find last week. But looking back I can realize how much I did learn as I went through that difficult time.

I've been forced to make a lot of decisions this summer, to seek a lot of answers on what I should do, and I've learned to recognize when the Lord is answering my questions. But I've also learned to recognize that sometimes the Lord needs us to figure things out on our own. Sometimes that make you feel as if the Lord has abandoned you, or maybe he just doesn't care. I'll admit that I started to feel that way last week. But once I got a handle on my emotions I realized that the Lord was helping me to grow. I had to take care of my own problems now, so that I'll know how to take care of them in the future.

This summer the Lord also taught me it's okay to change my plans. I've done that a lot this summer, it even started before Jacob became such a big part of my life. It's okay to rearrange things, as long as you're sure that your plans are what the Lord wants them to be.

I don't think I'll ever be perfectly patient, but I've learned a lot about that too. In the end, everything worked out for the best, and I couldn't' be happier. Halfway through the week I ran out patience, and it was then that I found myself at the breaking point. But the Lord is always in charge, and everything will work out. Sometimes you just have to wait for his time table.

I also had the opportunity last week to learn more about the priesthood. I had two separate blessings last week, from two amazing priesthood holders that I appreciate having in my life. I know that the priesthood is real. The promises that were made to me came true, and as long as I held to them, I was able to keep myself calm and feel at peace. I'm so grateful that I have so many worth priesthood holders in my life, that I can be blessed by those I love.

I've also learned a lot about the power of pure love this last week. Some people may find my crazy for it, but I knew I loved Jacob after only a few weeks of dating him. But I've been able to prove the strength of that love to myself as I have found myself creating situations of stress and indecision in my life because it would be better for our relationship. I've also learned about the depth of love Jacob has for me. His love and support for me were the only things that kept me going last week. He was a constant source of calm and peace for me when I desperately needed that in my life.

So I guess what I'm saying is I've grown a lot, and I've learned a lot. My life is now heading in a direction I thought I wouldn't get to for years. But apparently the Lord knew who I would need and when I would need him. I'm glad I'm learning to put the Lord in charge of my life, because he does a better job of running it than I ever could. I'm grateful that he loves me enough to give me opportunities to learn and grow and be happy. And I'm also grateful for all my family and friends that have supported me with guidance, advice, prayers, and love as I've faced my recent challenges. I love you all and promise to be there for you when you need me.

Eh?

That was a sound I heard a lot up at my family reunion this year, due to the fact that it's one of the only things my cousin Easton currently says, but he uses it to communicate pretty well.

So, if you couldn't' tell I'm finally getting around to a post about my family reunion.

First off, we were a little small in numbers this year and I missed everyone who wasn't there, but I still had a fantastic time!

We headed up on a Wednesday and arrived that evening at a cabin in Island Park, Idaho. After we got there we had dinner and settled in. Then on Thursday we went to Yellowstone!! I have never actually been there before (lame I know, I only live like 4 hours away) so I was pretty excited about that. The scenery was beautiful and it was great to be there. But to make it even better, I was there with my family, AND Abby came up with this hilarious game that was competition between vehicles. Each vehicle had to complete certain missions, and we ended up with some pretty entertaining pictures and videos. We also went swimming in the Firehole River where Clark and Deanna's family have been before. There is a part where the river narrows between some cliffs and the current is fast enough that it forms a kind of chute that you can jump into. It may sound a little dangerous, but you only stay under water for like a second and then it's just a fun ride for a bit down the river. That was a lot of fun.

Friday we went to Big Springs for a bit for some sight seeing, particularly to see some HUGE fish. Most of the day though we just lounged around the cabin and played games. We did however make homemade ice cream, by hand!. That meant taking bags with the ingredients, sticking them in bigger bags full of ice and salt, and shaking for like 10-15 minutes. And believe me, your hands get freezing cold! But the ice cream is delicious, especially with toppings, and therefore worth it. We played games that night as always, and just enjoyed each other's company. Saturday morning we cleaned and packed up and headed out. It may have been a short trip, and we did miss those who couldn't come, but as always it was great to just spend some time relaxing and having fun with my family. Ahh...I love them lots. yay for family! And for family reunions.

Evelyn Ann Crooks

Sorry that I'm a little behind on my posting. I have plenty to write about, but of course that also means I don't have as much time. I'll catch up eventually, that's a promise. But to tide you over, I bring you a post all about the most beautiful baby in the world. Of course, she's my new niece so I'm a little biased.

Sunday morning 2 am I get a text from Sarah: Hey, we're at the hospital, so expect some good news in the morning!

9 am: I find out they might have to do a C section, and I worry all through Relief Society.

However, by the time church is over I know that Evie is here and both she and Sarah are doing fine. Evelyn Ann Crooks was born at 9:41 am on August 9th, 2009. She weighed 6 lbs 10 oz and was 21 inches long.

A little after 1 Heather came and picked me up to go to the hospital, where I got to hold my niece for the first time. She is BEAUTIFUL. And I'm in love with her already. Here are some pictures so you can be too. :)

Haircut

So, my computer is still broken/sick. So Uncle Jon took it home with him to fix it. However, Jacob is awesome and is letting me put my pictures on his computer so that I can put them on facebook and get some one here. YAY!!!

So, this post is just to put up some pictures of my haircut. But stay tuned for an entry about the family reunion.

Here are the pictures for you: